THANK YOU

This post is meant for Lim Zunren.
Who meant a lot to me 2 hours ago,
But now,
He mean NOTHING to me but merely just a normal friend.
Although I know my instinct never fail on me,
But I lied to myself.
I was telling myself that I might be wrong.
I MUST be wrong..
But today...
It had been proven that my instinct is right.

Yesterday,
I thought that maybe..
Just MAYBE..
I can let you stay a bit longer in my life,
In my heart..
But it is proven today that there's no such need.
You don't need my love,
You won't need my love,
Because all you want is someone else's love and attention.
No matter how much I care,
No matter how much I love you,
You'll never know,
You'll never realise,
You'll never return my love..

No matter how long I endure it,
No matter how long I love you,
It is all not worth it.
I had waited for 2 years.
2 damn years!
I had endure all the pain for 2 damn fucking years!
And in the end,
What I get?
MORE FUCKING PAIN!

I wonder,
Why did I fall for you at the first place?
You're not even my type.
You're not handsome.
You don't even have a man's attitude and charm,
You're a useless guy!

I wanna apologise to Yiwen..
I'm sorry for showing my angry look at tuition just now.
That bitch hurted my leg,
And did not sincerely apologise,
And I got even sad and angry when I found out that LZR really like her.
You should understand my feeling.
Sorry.

I had been holding back my tears since I finished my Malay essay..
Few drops of my tears fell when I'm on my way home.
I force myself to eat eventhough I had lost my appetite.
I make myself happy by looking at Micky's stuffs.
But when I came to the wrong thing..
Listen to the wrong song..
I happened to listen to W by JYJ.
And that song just successfully made me cried my heart out.
I really need to cry.
I need to get over it by crying.
After all,
I'm the stupid idiot who loved a dumbo for nothing.
I always hope that there's a time where LZR found my merits.
But despite all the things that I did.
He knows nothing.

I really feel so hurt.
Looking at the person you love speaking to the person he like.
I can't do anything but tp pretend I'm fine and I know nothing.
This time,
I'm really going to let go.
Eventhough I actually planned for a surprise birthday party for you,
I guess now you don't need it anymore.

Maybe it's because I continuously get hurt,
This time I felt nothing.
I mean not really sad.
I think he just make me easier to let go of him..

Lim Zunren,
Thank you for all tha attention and care you had given to me
Thank you for all the adive and time.
Thank you for chatting with me although you're busy.
Thank you for making happy even just by a simple sentence.
Thank you for talking to me.
Thank you for making me feel happy.
Thank you for all the pain you gave me.
Thank you for all the tears that you made me shed.
Thank you for letting me love you.
Thank you for not avoiding me although you know I love you.
Thank you for everything.

And now.
Lim Zunren,
Goodbye.

Class Party Made Me Happy Again!
Thanks To All My Darlings!

Feel so lost and hopeless now.
It's just a damn foilio and it's driving me crazy.
I'd make up my mind,
If I can't finish it today,
I'll pass up on Monday.

The sick feeling is still here with me.
Even my eyes aren't concentrating..
I can barely read any words if I didn't zoom the page.
My throat,
GAHH!
Even if I drink up the whole lake,
I'll still feel damn thirsty!

LZR!!
You idiot!
You coward!
My percentage to forget about you is about to reach 50% ..
And because of your REPLY TO MY STATUS!
I can't do it already!
Why're you always like this?!

Which one is better?
Be honest to teacher and tell her I can't go to the camp because of some personal reason,
Or go to the camp while taking the risk of fainting during the camp?
Commom sense,
Just tell the teacher I can't go.
High fever since yesterday,
But I'll usually be fine after consuming some pills and get some sleep..
But not for this time.
The condition became a lot worse when I woke up this morning..
It's was just 5a.m when I woke up and I thought "great! I can make myself some yummy spaghetti for breakfast!"
Just as I stand to clean myself,
I started to feel dizzy..
I expected it,
So I just ignored it..
I should had just lie in my bed and rest,
But because of my stubborness,
I caused troubles..
I'm a troublemaker,
Isn't it?
I can't make it to school,
And I didn't inform anymore when I promised to go to school.
I'm sorry..
I know some of you won't believe me..
I don't care anymore..
Call me liar, faker, betrayer or whatever,
You'll never understand my situation.
This time is the 3rd time I fainted..
Fainted?!
Yeah, I fainted!
Just as I got up to wash myself,
The dizziness was too much to handle.
I can't see my surrounding properly..
Things were too blurry..
The nest thing I knew was I hit the floor with full force..
And blackout.
It was scary.
The feeling of going-to-faint is scary.
I don't like it.
My grandma made me regain my conciousness..
She keep on calling my name and slightly patting my shoulder..
She asked "What're you doing here?"
I don't know how to answer.
Tell her that I fainted and freak her out?
I just kept quiet and said nothing.
I went back to my room and lie on the bed,
Look at the clock,
It's already 8:20.
Too late for school.
How long I fainted?
Few hours I guess..
I went to see doctor.
He said "Did you eat medicine? and your fever is quite high"
Yeah, the medicine was finished last week and I didn;t get it from him.
Server me right.
He seems to know that I'm going to participate in some outdoor activity..
"As usual, no outdoor activities until I say okay."
My heart jump with joy..
But I'm sad too..
Although I'm so not ready for the camp,
I don't wanna miss it..
And I'm wondering whether can I miss it or not.
Headache!
Gotta off.
Won't online until I feel better.
bye,

I know it's unbelievable that I can do it within 24 hours.
But believe it.
30% of me had let go.
Yeah,
I really tak sampai hati to let go...
Do I have any other choice?
NO..
Perhaps,
letting go is the best solution for me~
I'll try my very extremely best to make sure I completely let go of him..
If I can't...
I won't use the name Zeen in this blog anymore.
I'll change it to Mandy..

The meaning of Zeen is someone who's mean, cruel and cold-blooded.. Perhaps, cunning?
Yeah~
That;s the reason I name myself Zeen..
But in the other hand,
I can't help it but to let myself hurt over and over again,
Just to see someone else happy~
So,
Mandy is the weaker Puisan~
While Zeen is the tougher Puisan~
I know I shouldn't make so many names~
But I just love it!
LOL..

Zeen,
Make sure you can let go of him!
Or else,
You'll have to erase this name forever!
*I really <3 this name! :(

It's just an assumption, but why do I feel so hurt?
Maybe it's because my instinct never fail me.
I hope he's happy.
I wish he's happy.
I want him to be happy.
Although I'm hurting inside.
It's my decision to hide the truth from him.
It's my decision to encourage him to get that girl.
It's all my own decision.
I promised myself to keep my mouth shut no matter what.
I promised myself to wish him all the best and give him my full support.
I might be wrong.
I hope I'm wrong.
I want prove my instinct wrong!
But how?

Maybe Yiwen is right.
Maybe I'm jealous.
I really hope I'm wrong.

But what if I'm right?
I'm good in acting!
I should just act as if nothing happen.
I only need to act once.
Then it'll be holiday.
I really need to let go?
Is it time already?
After 2 years of loving him,
I need to let go?
Seriously,
I don't want to..
I always have him to encourage me when I can't do something right.
I always have him to help me with some problem when I can't confront my friends.
If I let go,
I'll feel so empty..
I know there's nothing that lasts forever.
But can't it last a lil' but longer?

I might tear up later.
I just don't know why I'm so damn hurt!

MICKY MADE ME FEEL BETTER

HOW?

Hahaha,

Just by a simple reply from Facebook!

I'm loving him more and more!

I just can't believe my luck!