WORRIESSSSSS

Zunren's grandpa passed away last Monday,

I was at KL at that time,

And I was worried sick!

I wanted to comfort him but I don't know how to do it,

I wanted to call him and make him laugh,

But I'm afraid because I never called him before..

I did called him before,

But he did not pick up! ><

Anyway,

Zunren,

Please be fine!

My heart was shattered to pieces when I get back my Add Maths paper.. T.T

The marks..

Well,

What can I say?

Lets put it this way,

Only one digit..

And yeah,

I FAILED AGAIN.. Sobs Sobs Sobs...

But there's up and down in life,

So were the tests!

I got ninety plus for Malay!

First time!!! hahahahaha

English??

Damn my english teacher,

I'll make her add marks!

Chemistry?

Well,

It's slightly better than what I expected..

But I'm quite disappointed also...

Moral?

I PASSED! And my marks is only 33!!!

Why?

Because the teacher sucks!

She really really DID NOT teach us how to answer the structures and essay!

URGH!!

History...

Better than I expected too!

I got 76!

And civic is 80..

Hmm..

I think that's all..

And one more thing..

I'm such a failure for being unable to da a simple task!

It's so so so simple!

Although it'll remain the same,

But honestly,

I feel so disgusted, annoyed, irritated, etc. etc. whenever I see your face..

Go away!! Shoo!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

I DID IT?

It's still too early for me to say that I did it.
Because I'm not sure yet.
I said it last night.
I can't believe I said it..
I mean seriously,
No one will believe I said it.

The reason?
Well,
I'm not sure...
Maybe because I think I'm not someone important for you,
Although you're so important to me..
So why would I care?
I'll be more like busy body when I care for you,
Or maybe not.

What had been said, can't be change..
It's already the past,
No one can turn the time and go back to correct their mistake....
Does that mean breaking with you is a mistake?
Honestly,
I don't know.
Ever since I was lied by 3 people, including you,
I feel so betrayed..
Yes,
I should forgive and forget..
I did forgive,
But I can't forget..
It's too much for me..
Even until now,
The feeling of being lied and betrayed is still here..

I had change..
I learn to control my temper..
Now,
I'm someone who don't show my anger easily,
I'll manage to hold it back somehow..
But the changed me is not the kind me anymore..
I used to keep quiet and pretend happy when I was so damn hurt inside..
Eventually, people will really thought I'm fine when they saw me laughing and talking with my friends..
I was hoping someone can see through my act and comfort me..
I had been waiting,
But it seems like such person didn't exist..
The changed me,
Is very, very cruel..
I don't feel sympathy for other people anymore,
Because no one care and sympathy me when I'm down..
So why would I care for you people out there?
You think I'm cruel?
Go ahead,
You'll know why I changed so much once you experienced the feeling of being betrayed.


I'm not feeling well,
It's mentally, not physically..
I don't want to show my friend my troubled looking face.

As for you,
I don't knw how to say this,
But just give me more time to think...
The reason?
Well,
I guess you know..
But hundred percent,
It's not because you love her..
I never care who you love,
Because that's your business,
Not mine..

Bye Bloggie..
I need to calm down,
And think so that I can make a wise decision.

I'm so annoyed with your existence..
I wish you can disappear from my eyesight.
I wish you can stop telling me nonsense.
I wish you can stop texting me.
I just wish you'll stop doing it..
Because whatever you do, it irritate me..

I'm cool when you're fine,
I'm worried to death when I thought I'd gone overboard and hurted you.
But when I think back..
Why would I care?
You don't worth my time,
And my love..
You hurt me more than you hurted me..
I'll try my best to do what I wanted to..
And if I manage to do it,
I'll be GLAD..

TEST!!

So...
Finally an update?
Hahaha!

Tuesday's test were Malay, Modern Maths and History..
Well,well,well,
I didn't study for my malay because it's just rumusan,
But the petikan was pretty hard,
I manage to do it pretty okay,
I guess...
As for modern maths,
I keep on forgetting and messing up the formulas...
I can't STOP forgetting mean, and messing up midpoint with other..=.=
As for History,
I studied for it!
I love History..
It's annoying with those names and events that happenned at which year..
But I just like it!

And today..
It's English, ADD MATHS and Chemistry..
English is one of the subject that I'm pretty good at (self-praising? No, I'm born with it! XD)
ADD MATHS..
I guess I'm gonna fail again..
Sigh...
I'd really try my best!
Chemistry..
I was being a spoiled brat when I was studying for it..
I don't want to study the factors 'cause it's a lot,
I keep on bothering #2..HAHAHA
Luckily,
Factors did not came out..
Pheww! God bless me!!
Hahaha,
Tuition later,
And tomorrow is Biology..
Well,
I hope I do well!
Byebye! :D

TIRED

I'm tired of all this shits.

I'm sick of it.

Stop saying you love me.

Stop saying you miss me..

I know it's not true.

Because there's someone else.

You always mean something to me.

But not now anymore.

Now, you're just someone who's don't worth my time, and my love.

I'm always too good for you.

I'm too good for anyone.

No one deserves me, except for myself.

You don't deserve me.

And I don't need you anymore.

I can love myself more than how much you love me.

You won't let it go?

I will.

I might look soft,

But you'd seen my other side,

The opposite me,

Zeen...

When I'm mad,

I'm not the kind and funny Ms.M/Ms.P anymore,

I'm Ms.Zeen.

Yes,

I have two personality,

I can control Zeen,

But when I'm so tired of you,

I'll rest..

I'll let Zeen take over my place,

And let her do anything she want.

I'll be happy to let her do THAT.

Everyone seems so fake to me.

As in, their existence..

Sometimes,

I was wondering whether is this my life,

Is this my family?

Is this my best friend?

Is this my pet?

I seems like can't believe anything.

Because my life is FULL OF LIES.

But one thing never change..

My love for Zunren,

My love for Micky,

And my Best Friends(#1,#2,#3) won't change.

THE MORE I THINK

The more I think about you,

The more I miss you,

The more I need you..

I need to talk to you,

I need your advices,

But you're always busy..

Should I tell the truth?

A question that I think every singla day.

Should I tell you that I still like you?

The answer is no.

I can't tell you,

'cause it's proven so many times that you're so happy to know that I'd move on.

You're really a dumbo.

What to do?

I'd fall for a dumbo..

Mr.Dumb Dumb/Mr.Zunren,

I wish you know how much I miss you, I need you all these while.

And I really love you..

I NEED YOU

I need you.
Can you stay with me?
Just for an hour.
But I know you can't.

The End?

Zunren...

All about you AGAIN...

Is it the end for us?

Or is it the start?

You started to care for me,

Or were you doing this because you think you should do this?

You really care for me?

Or it's just normal caring from friend?

I don't know,

Only you'll know,

But I can't ask you,

Or else you'll know it's all lies..

I don't mind letting you know that I still love you,

I don't care that you'll be mad at me afterwards,

But I mind that you're being so caring to me,

And I care why you care about me so much.

My feeling for you is not just only fading awat,

It's disappearing,

And I know that once it's gone,

It won't come back like last time.

IT WON'T.

And yesterday night,

You really made me feel happy,

But it's only a happiness that last only for a minute.

Not more than that.

And I always know that

We're More Than Friend, Less Than Lover..

We're Forever Like That, Isn't It?

Lim Zunren,

This name will be part of my life, my memory...

I can't forget this name,

Because you're my first love..

And if you don't know,

I had love you for TWO years already..

And I'm still loving you now,

But soon,

It'll all fade away....

Now..

It's your turn,

I had always love you,

Take good care of you,

But your betrayal last time,

Had left a big scar in my heart,

And I'm starting to get bored with you..

And the time that's left,

It's few more months,

I can't be sure,

Because things might get better,

But if things did not get better,

I'm sorry.

I'll put it to an end.

Bye.

GOD!!
I seriously need to study!!
I need to do well in my August test in order to score better in final exam!!
Or else,
My sister will kill me!
SHE WILL!

And Zunren taught me something..

"fear of the consequences"

I'm really afraid of what's going to happen to my well planned future if I don't do well in my exam!

I might not be able go to Oxford/Cambridge.

I most probably can't..

I'm in the last class of Science stream,

KNOW YOUR PLACE GAL!

Well,

I do know my place and my position!

I MUST further my study,

And I must achieve my ambition of being an artist..

I MUST..

I don't know why,

People look down on my family so much..

What we did?

We didn't kill your parents,

Or harm your children!

Or take your wealth!

We're always on OUR OWN,

And you can't stop picking on us..

Now that one of your PICKERS is sick,

You came and be nice to us,

Just to seek our help,

Because WE CAN HELP.

But let me tell you something..

MY FAMILY is a cruel family..

Why we became cruel?

Thanks to you all..

You want help?

Even if you're on your knees,

WE WON'T HELP.

I know it doesn't sound like me/us..

But that's us when it came to PICKERS like you all..

You look down on us,

I'll make you regret in future,

I promise myself,

I'll make ALL OF YOU REGRET!

It's not a revenge,

It's just a payback for what you had been doung to us.

PAYBACK!

I'm just mad about them out of a sudden..

Don't mind me :)

I'm fine..

I just need to score!

And DAMN!

I'm still YouTube-ing, Facebook-ing, Twitter-ing and Blogging here!

Bye bloggie..

I love you!

WHAT AM I?

What am I?
A very simple question but for those who're thoughtful,
They'll think CLEARLY before they answer.
Yes, we're human..

But what are us?
Are we just some normal human beings?
NO..
Every human is diferent no matter how much similarity they have.

So what am I?
Should I make a brief axplanation about me?
And let you guys judge me?
I guess I should..
CORRECTION!
No judging,
Just some opinion.

So,
I'm 16 this year,
Not a pretty one,
Not a slim one either,
Studies is just okay and it will be better if I really sit for hours and study.

My attitude?
I may look scary and angry all the time,
But once you know me,
You'll know that that's just my look,
I'm not like that!
I do smile,
I do laugh,
I do cry like you all!

I can be nice,
When you're nice to me,
I can be as evil as Lucifer os Satan,
If you make me mad.
That's me,
How you treat me,
Reflects on how I treat YOU.

My temper is bad especially when I just wake up,
NEVER EVER mess with me that time.
Well,
Any jokes is acceptable when I'm happy,
EXCEPT
For COCKROACH, AND LIGHT.
I really going to smack whoever's face if they dare do that to me!
And worse,
I'll be mad for 2 days..

*I never mad for 2 days before, maximum 1 day or maybe 1 and a half day. LOL!

What else?
I'm the kind who respect teacher,
If the teacher is really good,
I'll really respect him/her from my heart,
Although he/she may lose their temper once in a while.
If you're not so good as a teacher,
I'll still respect you..
I respect any teacher,
It's just the matter of how much I respect you.

I'm funny..
I mean I can be funny,
And I can be very, very funny.
Dirty minded?
DEFINITELY NOT ME!
Hahahaha,
Maybe #21
XDDD

Well,
That's all I guess..

=And I want to know who's that mysterious man in my dream,
Gonna dream about him later!

SAD?

Nothing special happened,

But I just feel sad out of a sudden!

And guess what I did to un-sad myself!

*what a great english user, UN-SAD!

I light up a candle,

And stare at it..

I play with it..

For almost 30 minutes,

I'm back to my normal self.. :D

I'm currently high-ing Shinee,

Except for Minho..

LOL!!

Taemin cute!!

DREAMMMMMM

It's been quite a long time since I last dreamed..
And because of this dream,
It make me feel scared to dream again!

It's not a scary or horror dream,
It's.......
I don't know!

In the dream,
There's a guy,
A guy whose face I don't remember and I can't recognise..
Hundred percent sure I DON'T KNOW THAT GUY.
He's like part of my life..
I can feel it although I'm dreaming,
I don't know why,
But this guy seems very special and important to me..

I just can't leave him..
*He don't look like Micky or Zunren at all!

There's few part,
One part was I started to feel tired,
Vey tired,
(And I'm happy that I finally feel tired and my brain can finally rest!)
ANd just as I go to my room(in the dream), everything seems changes.
He was suppose to be out,
I mean he went out couple of minutes earlier,
And now I saw him in my room..
He came to me and said something..
I don't remember what he said..

Then he started to hug me,
Which I strongly oppose,
I pushed him away and smack him HARD.
He came to me again,
Trying to make up with me by making out,
I kind of like the make out session,
But still,
Not with someone I don't know!
I pushed him away again..
I was really, really mad.

I think he felt hurt,
So he left the house,
Which make me so worry..
I tried to go out of the house,
But I didn't.
Because outside of the house is somewhere I don't know,
So I waited for him to come back..
At night,
Where the sun had set,
He came home,
I welcomed him and feel so glad that he's safe and sound.

This time,
I apologised,
And he just shook his head
(I don't know what happen later)
Then just right before I open my eyes,
I saw myself kissing with him.
Then I'm awake,
Coughing like no tomorrow.

I was thinking what does that dream means?
I don't know that man..
Why I kissed him?
Why he hugged and kiss me?
I want to know!

CRAP!

Guess what..

I had bought a new shampoo!! :)

It's Dove, hope it's good like Tresemme!!

I miss Micky a lot!!

I want him!!

:(

I'm finally back to my not-so-healthy state,

But a lot more healthier than last week..

YEAH!

What else huh?

YA!!

My parcel is reaching Japan!

Excited man!!

Hope Micky got it..

Although the chance is very thin..

Just HOPE and PRAY!

A frustrating UPDATE

My day started off pretty bad..
And how bad it was?
Read the conversation below and you'll know why..

Me: Did #1 text you? Anyway, she'll be absent today, she's not feeling well..

LCLY: What?! She said she's going to help me buy stuff today! Ask her go die laa...

I just kept my mouth shut, controlling my anger.. I keep telling my self to calm down.. Once I calm down, I said it in my heart.. You know #1 is not the type who don't help people unless she really can't or there's something more important than that.. You just can't be undersatnding even for once? You should put yourself in #1's position and you'll know how it feels. And guess what?! As a 'reward' for being such suchh a 'good morning starter' her partner was absent too.. See? God is fair!

As for #2 being absent, it might be because she's not feeling well.. She seldom absent without notificating any of us.. Going to meet her at tuition though!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sigh.. Now that I think back yesterday's incident, I still feel kind of scared.. The feeling of going dizzy, losing balance, fell down and you lose your sight too..
it's REALLY SCARY..
I was planning to go downstairs to get some water,
And when I stand up and started walking,
I felt extremely dizzy..
I thought of holding or lean on the cupboaard,
But in the end,
My dizziness took control..
And what happen?
YES, I FAINT..
I was starting to fall,
I can feel myself falling,
And I can't see what's happening,
AT ALL,
I was losing my eyesight.

The next thing I knew was my eyes immediately shot open when my knee hit something DAMN FREAKING HARD and thanks to that thing, I regain my conciousness..
Although it might be just a blackout for few seconds..
but the effect is strong enough to make me feel afraid..
After hitting the thing, I found myself lying on the floor,
Struggling to breath..

but still..
They don't believe that it really happens to me..
It might sounds like a joke to you,
But I had been through it,
And I know NOW,
How it feel when you blackout and fainted..
Believe me..
I DO KNOW

OH MY GOD!!!

*AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!*

Screaming my lungs out!!!

Oh My God!

I just saw him online!

HIM!!!

The one that I miss him like hell!

The one that can melt me in an instant!

Can't believe it!!! :DDD

I really like this news.. I know I'll foget it sooner or later so I decided to post it here :)

Xiah Junsu's Surprise Visit In Location To Support Micky Yoochun

TVXQ Xiah Junsu made a surprise visit to the location where 'SungKyunKwan Scandal' is currently being filmed to support his fellow member Micky Yoochun.

In the early morning of the 1st of August, Xiah Junsu visited the site of the drama in Hwasung, Gyeonggido with 100 boxes of fried chicken. XIah Junsu was able to successfully show support for Micky Yoochun, and the tired actors and staff.

Kang Sung Pil, who play Lim Byung Choon in the drama said "Micky Yoochun was really surprised at Xiah Junsu's unexpected visit. He talked and laughed with Xiah Junsu and tried to look cool but you could tell that he was deeply touched," and " You could feel Xiah Junsu's sincere support for Micky Yoochun and his new challenge, so even the people aroung them felt better."

He also said "When I asked him(Xiah Junsu) if he could make a camoe appearance on the drama, he brightly said that he really wanted to if given the chance," and "Xiah Junsu stayed on the location for a very long time and gave Micky Yoochun strength."

That's the YOOSU spirit!!! HAHAHA,

*cameo means brief appearance of a known/public figure in a film or television show.

And guess what,

I can't copy and paste, so I need to TYPE everything out...

Luckily, it's a short article! LOL

:(

Why is my title a sad smiley?
It's because I ain't feeling well!
I woke up at 2 in the afternoon today because I feel so damn sick,
Terrible sore throat and headache,
But what I get?
SCOLDED by you..

It must be you who spreaded this virus to me,
And now I feel suck!