Please give me some time until I'm able to get back on my feet again and walk back into my hell-like life. Just a few more days.. I need some time to get back my hopes, and confidence. Most important, my new aim, and new goal.

I'm not the Phooisan I used to be. Now, I'm the broken Phooisan who needed some time to repair herself.

Just give me some time. A little consideration and care will do.

If any of you really care for me,

You know you should try to understand me.

Stop telling me to think of future after I seat for my SPM.

That's not my style of studying and plan for my future.

If you wanna work with me, understand me better,

Then you better understand this.

Don't like it?

Then keep your mouth shut and don't complain when you don't know what's going on in my mind, and my family.

There are some things that even if I tell you,

You really really won't understand.

For now,

The only one who I can talk to and understand me is Kristine, Anthony, and Karyan.

Thanks a lot to three of them who always give me strength although I throw tantrum at them.

They'll be patient with me. Because they know me.

The Phooisan who's buried deep inside her heart, and only allow few person to go inside it.

Thank you dearies! <3

Thanks for the fake hopes that you gave me..

And thanks also for all the comfort and help.

You helped me a lot.

But at the same time,

You hurt me a lot.

I wish things were better.

I hope I never told you that.

I hope you'll forget about it.

But what's done couldn't be undone.

The past is the past,

But the past had left a great impact on us.

Hereby, I officially announce,

I'm now free to love ANYONE.

And that ANYONE is definitely won't be L.. Anymore.

So now,

I'm not loving anyone..

This feeling makes me feel kinda empty. And weird!

But I'll get used to it soon, real soon!

I used to cry when I read messages like that,

But now,

My tears seems to have dry up decades ago!

LMAO!

As long as you're honest, and sincere,

We're still friends :)

I called it coincidence, but people call it fate?

We've met once,

In KL.

It's not planned,

You don't know I'll be there,

And I also don't know you'll be there.

But somehow,

Sometime,

And somewhere,

We met...

Same like the second time in Jusco..

I called it coincidence because it was Saturday,

And it's quite normal to meet your friends in a shopping mall.

Most of the time,

It was me who saw you first..

The third time was today,

At Polo Ground..

I was dead tired this morning,

And it was so crowded!

But in the crowd,

I saw you...

I thought I was hallucinating or imagining things,

But it was not..

You looked at me and you do not believe that it's me until your friend told you..

I wanna message you and chat with you..

I miss those time where you'll reply my message although you're busy..

And comfort me whenever I'm down and unhappy..

Now, I can't do it anymore..

I'm tired from all the craps lately..

And I don't have those nervousness whenever I saw you..

I just feel.... Normal.

Could it be because I no longer have those feeling for you?

Maybe...

But if I can control it,

I'll hold on to it and I won't let go.

No matter what!

Seriously?

Seriously!

What's with my fugly feeling now?

What's wrong with me?

I consulted my doctor, and although he said that I had nothing to worry about, I should do a check-up ASAP.

Duh, I know!

IF... IF there's a tumor,

my BP should be increasing and my heartbeat will be slower than normal,

Glad to say that everything is still very normal and okay now.

But still,

I have a bad feeling..

Hope it's just me...

IN THE PAST

In the past,

You were such a jerk,

Telling me lies,

That were lies,

Telling me truths,

That were like a samurai blade,

Cut right through my fragile heart,

That loves and beats vigorously,

For you..

In the past,

It was an insult,

For me to love you,

But it was you,

Who told your latter,

It was you,

Who broke the promise,

And stirred up troubles.

It was you!

In the past,

We were young,

We wanted to try,

The feeling of loving someone,

And being loved,

But it was inappropriate,

Because study is above all priorities..

In the past,

I would do anything,

Just to guarantee your smiles,

Laughters and happiness,

So I hold my breath,

Fight my tears,

Crushed my heart,

And bid farewell,

Good-bye.