If it's easy to ignore it, I had did it!

It's not easy to do it because there's a knife stabbed in my heart.

I couldn't pull it out yet,

And you all are there to make the knife cut even deeper.

Just as I finally strong enough to pull it out,

You all are there to puts salts on my freshly cut wound.

Do you know how painful is that?

You might not know,

And I don't want you to know.

I only want you to feel when your heart and soul being ripped apart by someone you loved.

Call me devil, because I AM A DEVIL!

I found it..

Not my confidence, not the hopes that I've lost,

But the aim that I'm craving for for almost a month..

The goal that will build my way to the future..

All I have to do now is wait..

Until the time comes,

I'll do my best..

And whatever it is that I want to be,

I WILL DECIDE.

I won't let anyone interfere with my future anymore..

Because it's my future,

Whether I fail or succeed,

I will bear the circumstances.

I never thought things will go this far.

What you said is true, but you have to know, no one asked for it.

You're suffering, And I'm dying.

Can you show me some respect and love?

Please don't call me.

Please don't message me.

I don't want to talk to you.

For the first time in my life,

I'm mad at you Andrea,

I'm really very mad at you!

I called you because I want to know what you think and I needed your guidance.

Do you have any idea how happy am I when you said you're okay with my idea of dropping pilot?

And now you're screwing everything for me?!

I never asked for you to pay for my stuff, my education and everything.

You're paying it because you're my sister.

That's what!

Now you're whining and groaning and complaining?

Do you have any idea what I've been through in Ipoh?

Why? I hate you!

Do you know how much I love you?

Why are you doing this to me?!

Please give me some time until I'm able to get back on my feet again and walk back into my hell-like life. Just a few more days.. I need some time to get back my hopes, and confidence. Most important, my new aim, and new goal.

I'm not the Phooisan I used to be. Now, I'm the broken Phooisan who needed some time to repair herself.

Just give me some time. A little consideration and care will do.

If any of you really care for me,

You know you should try to understand me.

Stop telling me to think of future after I seat for my SPM.

That's not my style of studying and plan for my future.

If you wanna work with me, understand me better,

Then you better understand this.

Don't like it?

Then keep your mouth shut and don't complain when you don't know what's going on in my mind, and my family.

There are some things that even if I tell you,

You really really won't understand.

For now,

The only one who I can talk to and understand me is Kristine, Anthony, and Karyan.

Thanks a lot to three of them who always give me strength although I throw tantrum at them.

They'll be patient with me. Because they know me.

The Phooisan who's buried deep inside her heart, and only allow few person to go inside it.

Thank you dearies! <3

Thanks for the fake hopes that you gave me..

And thanks also for all the comfort and help.

You helped me a lot.

But at the same time,

You hurt me a lot.

I wish things were better.

I hope I never told you that.

I hope you'll forget about it.

But what's done couldn't be undone.

The past is the past,

But the past had left a great impact on us.

Hereby, I officially announce,

I'm now free to love ANYONE.

And that ANYONE is definitely won't be L.. Anymore.

So now,

I'm not loving anyone..

This feeling makes me feel kinda empty. And weird!

But I'll get used to it soon, real soon!

I used to cry when I read messages like that,

But now,

My tears seems to have dry up decades ago!

LMAO!

As long as you're honest, and sincere,

We're still friends :)