X'mas 2013

Celebrated with my dear :)

It was a very last minute plan as he suddenly asked if I want to join them if I didn't go clubbing.
And I said if possible, I would like to join.

And there he was, in his friend's car, picking me up at home at 7:20pm.
We headed to Eurohouse but sadly it was fully booked so we switched place to History.

It was so much fun.
Eddie is like the girlfriend and I'm like the boyfriend.
He's the sticky one where as I'm more like the cool one. LOL
Then I said that he should wear the skirt instead of me and his reply really trolled me.
He said "Its a cosplay."
WTF. I can never win him in all these cold and lame jokes. Seriously!

Then we took some pictures and surprisingly, he posed affectionately beside me
:3
Blissful much! Happy die me!
*died and revived*
And just as we countdown and cheered "Merry X'mas!"
He kissed my cheek.
It was a simple move,
But I just feel so happy, blissful and loved :')

I'm so so so thankful that fate brought us back together :')
Thank you so much for being part of my life, until now. :)

I love you, and Merry X'mas dear :)

18/12/2013

Blogging using phone because it will be wasted if I don't blog it right now!

18/12/2013
Indeed a very memorable and surprising day for me.
Eddie was at Jusco when I was preparing to go out with friends.
It was weird how he kept on asking me if I went out already or not yet.
I told him when I went out and I said I'm at Old Town with OTK above.

THEN!
He said he's coming to meet there as he needed to give me something.
Then I went out to meet him and in his hand there's a package with the logo The Face Shoppprinted on it.
I swear I would have kissed him immediately if we weren't at a public place!
It's the first thing he ever bought for me. :')
I can feel my heart burst with overflowing happiness and bliss.
And when he pulled me closer to him by putting his hand on my waist,
And inhale my scent while resting his head on mine, matching our features on the same level while almost *maybe it already looks like* we're kissing. Lol
And then he said "for you."

I felt so touched and loved. ♥
And when we had a *ehem* light kiss/smooch *ehem*,
His friends were all looking from inside the car.
And there are people as well looking at us from Old Town.
But we don't care.
Not because we purposely want to show off our intimacy

Its because time at that moment is too precious for us so we don't have time to care about how other people would look and think about us.
And who're they to judge when they have no idea what we had, and what we're going through?

I just love it so much when he used his right hand to pull me close to him and then take in my scent.
That moment, is perfect ♥
It's the first present from him.
He said it could be advanced X'mas present as well.


When I thought of him walking into the shop and chose those and then pay for it at the counter. It just made me feel so loved.

Thank you so much,  dear. I love you.

After A Long Long Time

Woah, I was away for so long! I miss blogging so much!

Anyway, here I am. Just to update a bit.

I've been quite happy since the past few months because I ended my single status. XD

Yeah, we're back together after 6 month of hiatus.

Unbelievable but it's true.

As for work,

So far so good.

Have a bunch of real fun and supportive colleagues.

Anyway,

That's all for now..

Because I'm typing this at back office.

Not really convenient to type whatever I want!

Bye!!

If your Wechat application didn't hang until you can't enter into the application,
Then you're not considered a chatty type.
Because yesterday I chatted with my babe until Wechat hang like mad.
All records were more than 50secs, almost reaching the limit!!!

Okay, back to the reason why I'm here to type and tell.

From some friends, it's the end. So let it be the end.
But,
Some other friends said, both of us still stands a chance, wait for it.
Sometimes, I'm confused.
I wanted to move on,
But I love him too much to move on.
I wanted to wait,
But I don't know how long I can wait.

If I can just let him understand WHY.
The WHY of everything.

I MISS HIM SO MUCH.





Anyway, I gotta focus on my work :)
Extravaganza next month!! Must focus hard!
It decides my income and momentum for the next few months! :)

Guardian Angels

That's how I wanna name them.
They're the ones who always show me hope when I was falling apart.
No matter how hard my life is, with their support and words, I feel like I can fight better.
Pook and Karyan are my bff. As in, sometimes they make me feels like they knows me better than I know myself! Hahaha *too bad Pook is a guy, or else he can be my jimui at my wedding. XDDD Or maybe he can be the one who beat up my future husband when he makes me cry. LOL. Too much of imagination going on. :P

I had been blabbing about the things Eddie and I did. Everything. Anything.
And it's because I'm constantly reminding myself.

"Those are the memories that I should cherish. And I don't want to feel sad when I think about it. Instead, I feel happy. Because I was blessed, loved, cherished."

But then, I'm also torturing myself with those memories.
Why?
Because those memories are the source of energy that keeps my feeling for him to stay alive.
HOWEVER, I'm really letting go. Moving on.

I'm not tired of trying. I can keep on trying and trying and trying....
But won't this makes things become more complicated?
I want us to be friends. Because you'll make a good friend.
Because I, somehow, knows you a little bit more than your friends.
It's like being the 2nd Nicholas, you know.
Like Nicholas said "好来好去"
I don't wanna keep on thinking that there'll be a day where you'll come back for me.
I don't wanna make any presumption because it doesn't worth another heartbreak.
I don't wanna waste my time on a person who (maybe) don't even spend a minute a day to think about me. Because I spent every second thinking about you.
I don't wanna........
I wish I can say I don't wanna lose you.
But I know that's not what I should say. I can't say that!
Because there's no use. I've already lost you, whether I want it or not.

Actually, I was so surprised when Pook said "You've been building it all up. And you're just waiting for a chance like this to blow up. After this, you've to stop them."
He meant my feelings for him.
Karyan, Pook and I had been chatting and we talked about so many things!
And when it comes to even a little bit thing related to Eddie, I'll say "Eddie and I.........."
Or I'll say "Eddie............"
He'll be the topic I wanna talk about.
I said I'm over him.
I'm actually IN THE PROCESS of moving on.
I've felt a lot better, compared to last 2 weeks.
I can feel my strength coming back. My confidence. The Phooisan who's made out of steel.
I'll get rid of my habit.

Pook is right.
Many people mistaken that the feeling for your partner has gone after few months being together.
Actually, it's because you've got use to his existence, company. Your feelings never left.
But in human's mind, they'll thought "That's it. I don't have feel for him/her anymore."
I'm so used to having him in my life.
But I'm always conscious of my feelings for me.
It kept on growing everyday. Sometimes I can still feel myself loving him.
But I don't think I want you back.
It's not because I hate you. It's not because I can't love you for the 2nd time.
It's because I don't know if you worth the 2nd chance.
I don't know whether I can risk another heartbreak from the same person.

I'll stop saying anything about Eddie. As in, I can't stop, of course!
But I'll talk less.
And in 20 more days. I can get rid of this habit, I hope.
It's takes 21 days to build a habit, and also the same amount of time to kill a habit.
I'll try to stop depending so much on them. Friends.
I mean, I need to grow up and stand on my own feet.
I can't always look for people to talk to.
Because everyone have their problems also.
Don't you realise, the person that you always tell your problems to never tells you back their problems?
It's because of their ability to solve so many things at once.
Sometimes, I envy people like that.
But then, sometimes I feel lucky that I don't have that ability.
Because that's the time where God will send the Guardian Angels to me and guide me, bring me back to my feet.

I'm so thankful for everyone who's been with me since they knew about my problem.
Karyan, Pook, Meileng, Carmen, Evelyn, Andrea, Ckm, Oja, Fanny, Daniel.
I love them so much. Meileng is not close to me. She's Eddie's GS. But she's been comforting me for about 2 hours. And not forgetting Nicholas. Eddie's best friend. They're on my side even though Eddie is their best friend. Because the problem is with him. Not me. I'm considered the victim.
But in a relationship, there's no winner or loser.

I remember I was whispering your name before I really fell asleep yesterday. I was saying "Dear...."
That's how I call you.

And I was dreaming. I was calling out for you again.
But this time, when I called, I almost shouted.
I woke up calling for you. "Dear!"
And my eyes shot open. Feeling like hell because of the exhaustion from the past few days.

And also the pain that's still in me.

For you who's reading this, be strong. Life may be tough. But that doesn't mean that's the end. Because the end of something is always the beginning of something even better. You just have to go thru that process. Because this is LIFE.
If you don't have those process. I don't think you're a human. LOL

It's all about your mindset. How you think.
I still think my relationship with Eddie is a very beautiful relationship.
Because he was once my love. We've shared moments that no one can understands. We've created memories that no one can replace or recreate.
But, you also can think that I wasted my time on this guy. He played me. He broke me. Whatever. You know, putting all the blames on him.
But now I realise that I also did few mistakes.
I always assume he's happy with everything. Because I am.
Sometimes, we need to ask. Don't assume.
You're born with a mouth to speak. But always listen with your heart.
And listen to your heart.
Loneliness speaks the loudest truth.

You're a Habit.

No, I don't love you anymore.
I'm not lying to myself.
Maybe I still like you.
Yes, I miss you. A lot!
But now I understand why so many people said "I miss you, but no, I don't want you back."
It's not that I don't trust you.
It's because there's only 1 time in everything.
The 2nd time is a chance, but it won't be the same anymore because of the scar that you left previously.
And I don't think you deserve a 2nd chance.
Okay, you do. But I don't think I can give you that until you show me how much you deserve it.
And promise me using your heart, not your words!

Now, you're just a habit of mine.
I'm used to sending you messages. About the random flasbacks that suddenly pops up.
But don't worry, I'm moving on.
I'm letting go.
You changed.
You're the one who changed. Not me.

We broke up.
He is fine.
I'm not.
End of story.