Sometimes, I'm impressed with myself.

To be precise, I'm shocked.

How did I think of those words?

Since when I have such wisdom?

I just want you to know,

Being strong is not easy.

I became strong because I was forced to.

I had no choice.

I had no one to lean on. No one to trust.

Although I found those trustworthy people quite late,

But late is better than never, isn't it?

If I was given a choice, I would choose to be strong rather than depends on others.

Why?

Because I lean on them too much.

When they left me so suddenly, I didn't have the chance to prepare to get up,

So I fell hard.

No one bother to help me up.

Or maybe, I was the one who doesn't want to get up again.

I was in dilemma for quite some time.

I always think "Why didn't they cared for me? Why? Why they never try to understand me?"

I asked myself these question over and over again.

Until the day when someone came out of the blue to ask me "Are you in a situation where they're not capable of understanding it?"

Yes. I'm always considered the matured one. The independent one.

I'm 5 steps ahead of them. That explains why they couldn't understand me.

I always label myself as a mysterious person. Or a very secretive person.

Because even the person who's closest with me had a hard time to understand me.

Then, I told myself "If they really really care, they'll try to understand."

I always believe that things will be okay sooner or later.

But it turned out that, that day doesn't exist.

No matter how broken I am,

How unhappy I am, I always put on mask.

I'm either angry to make everyone shut up and refuse to talk to me,

Or smile and laugh happily to make everyone think I'm okay.

I always tell myself "There's no need to show your true feelings to people all the time. It's not like they'll understand it right away."

I smile when I was breaking apart.

I smile when I know the pain is killing me.

I smile when I was blamed for someone else's fault.

I smile when I was at the dead end.

I hold back those tears for so long. I told myself to never let it fall, because when I starts, I'll be a weakling.

I keep on telling this friend how frustrated I am.

Then one day, this friend told me "Hey, you should go listen to some songs. Songs that made you cry. After you cry, you'll feel better"

I refused to. Because I don't want to cry.

Then this friend said "Hey, I know you're tough. But, it's okay to cry. Do you know how much I wish I can hug you and comfort you right now? Stop being tough for a day."

And just for that day, I let go of my tough side.

I am so thankful to have this friend. No matter how bad is the situation, this friend will be there for me.

Sometimes, we need to know that being tough is not the only thing you need.

But you need to know how to act.

And you need to know, to whom you can show your true feelings.

I'm not in a good mood today. It's 4th of April today. Did something happened last time on this date? I don't know. I can't remember, and I wish I won't remember. Because I had enough of pain. I'm tired of being hurt and lied to over and over again. From now onward, I wish to make more happy memories than sad memories.

Let go of those who hurt you. Embrace those who truly care for you. And ignore those takes advantage of you.

It is not necessary to have many friends, but it is necessary to have friends who you can trust.

Quality is what you need. Not quantity.

"Winners never quit, Quitters never win"

"It's easy to stand within the crowd. It takes courage to stand alone"

"Sometimes we need to lose small battles in order to win the war"

"Always stand for the right thing.. Even if you're standing alone"

Quotes always makes me feel better.

I've did those. I've stood alone, lose small battles, I never quit and I've won the war.

Life is not as hard as it may seems.

It's our perception. The way we think.

If you hold up a glass for the whole day, your hand will be so tired, you might even loosen your hand's grip because the your hand is so tired and worn out.

But go back to the beginning, is there really a need to hold up a glass the whole day?

Put it down. Learn how to do that. Put it down.

And always smile.

I've tried smiling just to stop the tears from falling.

And when you succeed.

You've become a stronger person.