TIME?

You might thought I'll spend my time thinking about it..

Well,

You want a honest answer from me?

Yes, I did spent time on it..

But it's only the few minutes before I fall asleep.

I don't have the need to clear my mind..

Because I'm concious of what I'm doing.

And I don't regret.

Honestly,

Why should I spend time on this matter?

For me,

It's not a big matter at all,

Because whether you want to start it all over again or remain,

Or end it,

I don't care and mind..

My decision and answer will be the same..

That is I can't really trust you anymore,

But you're still in the top list..

That's all I can say..



People say that the most important in any relationship is trust..

I'm sorry that I don't trust you anymore..

Because,

You're the very first person who did this to me..

I might did it to you before and you might be okay with it,

But I'm sorry,

I'm not the lenient type..

I can forgive but as for forget,

Impossible....

You say that you're proud for being that place until it ENDED..

F.Y.I,

I never say that it had ended..

You're the one who said so.

Until now,

You're still in that position..

But I had deleted your number in my list of sending texts..

Since you asked me to not to reply you/text you..

Because you're out of words?

Hahaha,

You're out of words and you ain't mad?

Put it any way you like,

But for me,

You're doing it like that because my words hurted you..

Am I wrong?

That word does hurt a lot..

Some time ago,

A person said the same thing to me..

"I don't believe you anymore"

And those words totally break my heart..

These words did not came from a friend,

It's someone I love..

Someone who thought giving me stress is the best....



I don't know how you feel now,

But I don't know how I feel now either..

I'm feelingless?

I don't know..

I just feel nothing.

As if this thing is not important..

Maybe I need you to talk to again?

The second after it happened,

I was at the edge of crying,

I was totally filled with sadness..

I did not text or even talk to anyone..

Instead,

I off my handphone..

I just want a moment to rest..

You're tired?

I'm tired also..

You think I want this?

I never want this,

But it had happened,

So let it be..

If it's a wound that can heal by itself,

It will heal,

If it's a wound that the cut was too deep,

Then the wound might take a very long time to heal,

Or it won't completely heal,

Or the worst,

It won't heal....

Well,

Maybe it'll heal,

But it'll left me a very ugly scar..



What am I crapping up there?

I don't know..

*Sigh...

I finally removed the manicure that I did last week...

I replaced it with another red color...

I'm just so into red these days..

The color is pretty satisfying

What Ash said is true,
Friends are meant to be betrayed..
But for my case,
Friends are meant to be treasured and loved.

Is this my life?
Is this my fate?
Or is it me?
I think it's my life, my fate and it's me..
Every year,
I'll lose a precious friend,
To get him/her back,
I need to go through the maze that'll reach your heart.

The maze,
Is someplace that I'm not familiar with..
To make myself understand more about it,
I always put myself in your position...
But in the end..
I still don't understand it?
Your maze had never been a easy one..
It's not because you're mysterious like me..
It's because you're very optimistic.
Optimistic people can always smile and go thru everything,
But behind that smile..
Is the sadness and the hurt feeling that you tried to cover.

I always see it,
But this time,
I missed it..
How can I miss seeing that?
It's because I had too much to do.. Too much to think at one time.
WHat to do? What to think?
Sketch is done,
C.D wil start tomorrow, steps are prepared, but agreement and objection needed to make that dance beautiful..
My final exam is coming?
Yeah, many chapters and subjects to go thru all over again,
My financial problem..
So what if I have cash but the cash can't be used?
My relationship problem..
In few more weeks, it'll be gone.. I need to think CLEARLY.. But my decision had been made anyway.
My problem with my granny and uncle..
Their acting is better than Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie?
My problem that I miss my sister like hell but I can't go to kl as I promised her.
Because of enrolment stuff, I need to cancel my trip..
My problem with my sleep, having insomnia lately.
Can't sleep at all.. Lie on the bed at 1a.m, but went to sleep at 4a.m..
My problem with health..
Met the doctor two days in a row, injection two times. WTF?
More to come, but it'll be invading my privacy to say it out, or type it out..

I know such day will come..
Problems with my attitude?
Yeah, I have a bad temper..
How bad?
I can get mad i just 3 seconds if one WRONG word slip out from your mouth..
3 seconds is slow?
Nah,
It's the fastest..
I learned to control my anger ever since last time I argued with you..
I cried in the bus when I went home that day.
Just silent tearing..
I know I shouldn't be so mad that time,
But I just lose control,
And don't forget that there's another person is in me..
Although I'm still gaining control,
But who knows she might be the one who control someday?
Because of that,
I sort of learn to control my anger..
Anger management..
I did pretty well..
But the reason I hate about anger management is,
I will keep all inside, and burst out at the moment I can't take it anymore..
And the victim could be anyone that I'm texting or chatting with..
And trust me,
There's always the same person who's so unlucky..
I don't know why it's always you,
it's fate??
I don;t know..

My life had been hard..
People envy me for my freedom..
I can go out anytime, and go home anytime..
But what do I envy about you guys?
Family love..
You guys still have 'THAT' word to call..
Mummy, Daddy..
Me?
I don't have..
I'm a pure hundred percent orphan..
I only go to #1's house to overnight is because her home give me a warm feel..
Last year,
I went to her house so many times..
Why?
Because the house that I'm staying with is making me go insane..
I'm always all by myself..
Even if I fall sick,
I will drag myself to see doctor by myself and paid using my pocket money..
I always quarrel with my bro and sis,
Because they said that I keep secrets from them,
But they never realise that it's them who don't bother about me..
They only realised it when the harassment happened..
So what if I have freedom and don't have parents?
I had rather have no freedom,
Than not having Dad or Mum..
How old am I?
I'm 16..
But I lost both my parents when I'm 12..
What I know when I was 12?
Nothing..
Now that I had grow up,
I think a lot..
And thinking is what make me realise something..
Always express your love towards the one you love,
Because you never know when they'll leave you without a word..
And now you want to leave also??
Go ahead then..
I'll live in my dilemma,
In my world of loneliness..

I;m not saying all these to make you come back to my life..
But it you who make me realise that there's still nice thing out there..
There's still love, friendsip, and trust??
I don't think the word trust exist in me anymore..
Because I once trusted you, and now, I lost had lose it..
I might not believe anyone anymore,
But still,
I feel safe telling you my stuff..
Take all the time you need..
One week?
One month?
One year?
Take it all...
But just remember,
Only you have the qualification.
Now that we're like this..
I have no one to talk to..
Zunren is at Austrlia,
My gs? I;m totally irritated with her now.
#2, she have her own problem...
#3, aiming for her new love??
Am I lonely?
I;m not..
Why?
Because I still have you, bloggie..
You'll always listen to me,
And pass my message..
I gotta go now bloggie..
bye!

Golden Chance?

There's always a chance.

Always an opportunity for you.

But you did not appreciate it.

You treat it like a trash.

Now that you want it.

Wanting me to give you the chance again.

Pleading me....

I won't be that generous.

I'm no longer the do-anything-you-want Phooisan,

I'm now the cold-hearted Phooisan.

Who're you to judge me?

Know your status!

I might not be rich enough.

But I'm reasonable and strong enough to fight for my right.

You DON''T HAVE THE RIGHT to call me that.

You're nothing to me.

We don't have blood relationship with you.

We're not even friend!

WATCH YOUR MOUTH.

I'll make you regret for addressing me using such word.

Slut? Prostitute?

yeah right!

What are you?

You're a sucker!

A sucker who failed to clear your debts!

If you're calling me such word ONE MORE TIME...

You fuck away from me.

You don't have a single right to judge me from my appearance, my outfit, and the way I present myself.

Because you're nobody.

WHERE SHOULD I START FROM??

Friday?? Well, Zunren didn't came to tuition because he'll be going to Australia.. :( Anyway, wish he'll have great fun there!!

Then, Saturday comes!! Should I call it the high heels day?? Because I had to wear heels THE WHOLE DAY! From morning until night.. In the morning, I went to parade and my manicure done.. It's very brave of me to choose red and well, who cares?! It's on my NAILS! NOT YOUR'S!! SHUT YOUR MOUTH! And later on, I had try few dressed at Stylish Memory.. All also very nice, but!!! it's all RM100 and above!

Then, after tuition, went to Adeline's birthday celebration at Cafe Takahashi, and the waiter really suck! Bought Big Apple's doughnuts before went back to #1's home.. 2 for me, 2 for #1 and 2 for that 'Human Skeleton'.. LMAO.. Me and #1 slept at 3:16 a.m.. LOL!

The next day, SUNDAY!!

Another loooong day!!

Had breakfast with #1 and her dad at Greentown..

Then went back home to get a shower and prepare for tuition..

Tuition was 4 hours long.. T.T

What else??

Hmm...

Nothing I guess..

Monday was Laptop Day... I faced my laptop the whole day!! :D

Today??

Went to school for sketch practice, laugh like hell, because I need to speak Thai!!

Then off to Parade to have lunch with #1,

Then bought some magazines and few discs..

There's 4 guys who want to go to Jusco, and they don't know how..

And the mean bus conductor asked them to go to the Main Bus Station and take the Jusco bus..

He's so mean!!

So I told one of the guy that the can get off at the GH and get the Jusco bus at the opposite street..

I just helped them to save some money! :D

or am I just being too busybody???

LOL....

And gotta go now!!

Need to watch SHINee's Hello Baby, and a loooooot mooorrreee!!!

Bye! ;)

TRAITOR

It never came to my mind that I'll use such word to describe you.

NEVER.

But you've gone too far,

You just can't stop doing it,

You can't stop hurting me,

You never do what you'd promised,

And all you do is:

1) hurt me

2) betray me

3) doing IT behind my back

4) BREAKING ALL the promises you made.

Then what's the point of asking me?

WHAT'S THE POINT?!

FUCK YOU!

FUCK OFF!

I'd changed,

A lot..

I never thought I'll change so much because of the incident,

And the conversation I had with Andrea.

It's all so true..

What Ashley is true..

But is there really no such thing as TRUE friend?

All I need now is to be alone..

Why?

It's not because I want to think..

I just want to be alone..

So that I won't get hurt anymore.

I don't have to pretend anymore.

I don't need to see your idiotic face anymore...

I'm still not used to being alone, all by myself,

But sooner or later,

I'll have to get used to it,

Because,

I'll ditch both of you soon..

My bestie's are the best!

Especaially #2 and #3 lately.

MUAHAHAHAH!

Both of you,

Please don't do something that hurt me, okay?

And I apologise if I had gone overboard last time..

And in the future too..

Sometimes,

I just get too crazy..

JOKES..JOKES!!

1st Joke

Yiwen: The mucous is jamming my brain!

Me : Really? SUCK it out then.. *burst out laughing!*

*LAUGHS*

Yiwen:Eww! I'd rather blow it out..

Me: : Don't! Sucking it out is way more effective! *LOL*

Yiwen: *laughing and laughing and laughing*

2nd Joke

Yiwen: Imagine Zunren is Kalona.. He stood there with his wings and topless..

Me : He'll definitely look disgusting! EWW!!

Yiwen:LOL

I thought it was a lot of jokes, because I was laughing like non-stop?? LOL

Maybe it's just my craziness that made me laugh so much!

Well,

I;m pretty happy that he smiled to me!

I mean, yeah,

He turned to face me and smile..

Happy!!

AND GUESS WHAT?!

I'm watching Micky's drama already!

OMG!!

So freaking handsome!

*DUH! He's my hubby XD*

Although his acting was a bit out,

He was so stressed because all the actress/actors around him are pro!

For example, his father(in the drama)..

Micky's father is quite a famous actor,

Although I don;t know what's his name,

I saw him acting in MANNNNYYYY drama and movie!

Micky!!

FIGHTING!!

DO your best!! Muaxx!!

WORRIESSSSSS

Zunren's grandpa passed away last Monday,

I was at KL at that time,

And I was worried sick!

I wanted to comfort him but I don't know how to do it,

I wanted to call him and make him laugh,

But I'm afraid because I never called him before..

I did called him before,

But he did not pick up! ><

Anyway,

Zunren,

Please be fine!

My heart was shattered to pieces when I get back my Add Maths paper.. T.T

The marks..

Well,

What can I say?

Lets put it this way,

Only one digit..

And yeah,

I FAILED AGAIN.. Sobs Sobs Sobs...

But there's up and down in life,

So were the tests!

I got ninety plus for Malay!

First time!!! hahahahaha

English??

Damn my english teacher,

I'll make her add marks!

Chemistry?

Well,

It's slightly better than what I expected..

But I'm quite disappointed also...

Moral?

I PASSED! And my marks is only 33!!!

Why?

Because the teacher sucks!

She really really DID NOT teach us how to answer the structures and essay!

URGH!!

History...

Better than I expected too!

I got 76!

And civic is 80..

Hmm..

I think that's all..

And one more thing..

I'm such a failure for being unable to da a simple task!

It's so so so simple!

Although it'll remain the same,

But honestly,

I feel so disgusted, annoyed, irritated, etc. etc. whenever I see your face..

Go away!! Shoo!!!

HAHAHAHAHA