Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I guess my broken heart is not healed yet.
It takes time.. A long long time.
7th of Aug was the day I started to forget about you.
And yesterday was the day I had shed my tears because of you for the last time.
Very last time.
Well, let's say it's the tear of farewell.
It was only 30 minutes of shedding.
But it was more than enough how hard it is for me to let go,
And how much I needed you and how much I love you.

Today, is 17th of Aug.
My new day, new life starts here.
I can't guarantee that I will not miss you,
But I can guarantee that I'm letting it go.
It was a beautiful thing.
A very well painted painting you did to me.
To my life.
Thanks you M/Z.
I'll always pray for you..

Goodbye, Z.


Friday, July 22, 2011

I realised that students nowadays are too happy with their life.
Too happy until they don't have the sympathy or sad feeling for others' who have a not perfect family.
When Lionel gave us the paper, it was about a girl whom her family was not perfect.
Her grades was good, but her parents ignore that. In fact, they ignored her.
Her dad was an attorney, and an alcoholic.
Her mother was a bitch, useless.
It was weird to see how hard she struggles for her life.
When her class teacher asked her to come into the other room for the conference(her parents supposed to come), she was sad..
The teacher told her "First of all, I want you to know how much I love you. Secondly, you need to know it's not your fault that whether your parents are here or not. YOU DESERVE TO KNOW HOW WELL i THINK YOU ARE DOING."
The feeling when you can look at yourself through someone else's eyes but not your parents' eyes..
It was ugly because someone ELSE can know how much and how well you did.
And you worked so hard for the ones to see, but they don't see it.

This is what I'm feeling now. I'm doing what I can to fulfill their request, but everything that I do, never seemed to be enough for them.. They always wanted more.
I'm a human, not a robot. I'm not perfect. I have my flaws!
I don't think they understand what I'm going through..
Not last time, not now, not in the future.
No matter how hard I tried to tell them about my stuff,
They just won't understand.
Maybe they're too busy with work.
Stay strong Puisan!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Injustice happens everywhere,
And I'm happy when I saw it happen to other people,
I'm not trying to be mean,
But, at least I know I'm not the only one who suffers from this..
To have friend who don't care what happened to me, but still care for ma and support me no matter under what kind of circumstances, I'm really thankful.

~~~~~
The word 'trust' don't exist in my dictionary anymore. Permanently deleted.
To trust someone, is hard, but when you gained it, you betrayed it.
I'm going to build more walls, high and concrete walls around my heart.
I'm going to make a lot more walls.
To be hurt once was painful,
To be hurt twice was annoying,
But.. To be hurt thrice is simply hurtful..
The knife that was deeply stabbed into it,
I think it's time to pulled it out.
I don't know by who,
But it's time..
My healing rate should be faster after that..

I hate it when I heard the word 'trust'..
I hate it so so much..
Don't tell me shits when you said that you 'trust-ed' that someone,
Because you will betray them someday, And you just did..
She's a fragile girl, you've hurt her feelings,
She's depressed, she so emo..
She even thought of commit suicide.
Are you that brainless?!
*It's definitely not me I'm talking about*

Shame on you bitch..
You don't deserve her..
Because she deserves someone better than you..

~~~~~

I'm not happy. So don't make me angry, I don't want to f*ck up the whole world just because someone stepped on my tail.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Has JYJ Became The Symbol of Injustice?

Preconditional Claim 1: JYJ are idols

JYJ is a new group formed comprising of TVXQ’s Xiah Junsu, Micky Yoochun and Hero Jaejoong, who left the group. TVXQ has attained the highest spot in the idol industry. This is a status achieved by all members of TVXQ and as an idol, they have their significance and their appearance would meant a significant meaning. Of course at the same time where they have their group of loyal fans, anti-fans would be present as well. Therefore upon any appearance of JYJ-relevant topics, the personal judgement of the issue, fans’ and bystanders’ views have to be clearly differentiated. I do not want to simply discuss about JYJ but to direct at the things happening right now and to talk about my views. Therefore before the beginning of discussion of this issue, We have to understand the slight bias that is present in the term ‘idol’.

Preconditional Claim 2: JYJ are wealthy

JYJ have accumulated lots of wealth. This can be known from the assets that were pronounced in news articles. But the main point of the problem is the unfair contract lawsuit between them and SM. Many people think that given the enormous wealth that JYJ had gotten yet the decision to sue the company was nothing different from being a ungrateful betrayer, with the lack of appreciation towards the company’s initial training for them and instead sarcastically said that themselves are slaves. Whether the truth to this is such, I am not in the position to say anything. But this issue is simple, whether their contract is justifiable or not, the court has its judgment. How much has the trio earned as members of TVXQ, there is no way to certify it now. Stealing 50 thousand away from 100 thousand is the same nature as stealing 50 thousand from 1 million. Because to someone who have earned 1 million, losing that 50 thousand, he would still feel unease.

Thus with these two preconditional claims, no matter they are wealthy people or betrayers, there are no basis. “How will the law be judging it?” This is the most important. Therefore before any conclusion is out, there should not be any clear judgment passed on them. Be it from ethical or law point of view, there are a lot of injustice towards the current JYJ. The weirdest that happened in JYJ’s activities was the unability to appear in news articles, television dramas and not able to participate in variety programmes, in addition to the frequent “sudden cancellation without a reason” incidents. The trio of JYJ recorded QTV’s programme in 24 hours and in the end this programme was unable to be broadcasted by QTV itself. Park Yoochun, who was supposed to attend KBS’s Win Win was canceled, together with this time’s “sudden cancellation” of Jeju island promotional performance even though the receipt of the cue sheet.

Not only such, on normal circumstances when a new drama is due to be broadcasted, the cast of the drama would appear in many variety shows for promotional purposes. But in ‘Miss Ripley’ situation, there are no interview of production company’s press conference from the start, and no appearance of the cast appearing on variety shows such as ‘Come To Play’.

Appearing in drama and news but nowhere to be seen in the entertainment circle, this is obviously an incomprehensible issue. Of course there would be such a situation where fans would express that it is the doing of a certain agency preventing the broadcast, but as the “agency” did not reveal anything, there would not be thoughts of accusations or suspect of the certain agency.

On the contrary, I think the problem lies with the broadcasting company. Because the television company or the news agency would invite guests to make their programmes more interesting. As for drama, the cast’s participation in variety shows would definitely allow the drama to be sold overseas with a higher price.

But the situation of Jeju’s promotional performance is completely different. With them being appointed as ambassadors, they have greatly influenced the promotional effects but was yet omitted in performance. The sudden cancellation was incomprehensible, especially when the schedule was already confirmed. There are lots of overseas fans who have planned to fly over to Korea for this public performance and this has worsen the problem. It feels so regretful especially when this happened in national-managed broadcasting company KBS.

Pre-appointed ambassadors scheduled performance was yet suddenly canceled without any special reason, this is obviously an injustice issue. Gaining the promotional effects and omitting them in the end, this shows the vile side of the establishment. This has to be brought up together with the harm inflicted to many fans. This is not what a national-managed television company should do.

The invisible backdoor pressure rumours were unbelievable. It is obvious that there is special reason and this reason have caused the cancellation. Before any judgment by the court is passed, there should not be any obstruction to their entertainment activities. Korea is a lawful country. In Korea, it is unimaginable to know of power who disregard law and there are no way to confirm if such power existed. If they say that there are not outside pressure, then wouldn’t it be impossible to stop the broadcasting based on one’s effort?

Therefore I hoped that KBS television company will give a proper explanation to this sudden cancellation of JYJ’s broadcasting. What is the exact reason for canceling JYJ’s broadcast. I hoped to receive a convincible reason.

Hopefully KBS can relay to the public the message that “Republic of Korea is a lawful society and there are no injustice.” If KBS’s reason is not convincible, that would be very regretful, very pitiful. This proves that under the law of our Republic of Korea, there are still certain power existing or that KBS has to depend on certain establishment’s power to produce programmes. If it is really so, then undoubtedly, JYJ has bear the injustice sacrifice and they have became the symbol of injustice.







*Seriously, Korea is a country where people treats everyone fairly. In everything. JYJ was formed when the lawsuit begin. Takkan ask them to do nothing and wait for the result?! They need to work, they need money. Yes, they're rich now, but remember something, their money came from C-Jes. Not SM. If SM did paid them the amount of digits the deserve, things won't become like this.
Because of the lawsuit, JYJ suffered a lot. They went through hell. And now, you're torturing them with all those cancellation without a proper reason. Backdoor pressure? Then do something about it! Stop it!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Have a girls' talk with her today.. It was a... Coincidence?
Or whatever you call it.
I do realised something happened.
But I don't want to ask,
Because if you're okay to tell me, you'd told me years ago!
Now that I know what happened,
I'm glad that you actually thinks the same way like me.
Sometimes,
We're just being too nice to please the whole world but not ourselves.
Did you ever notice, that when people tell you you've changed, it's only because you stopped acting the way they want you to?
That is so true.
In the first place, why should I act the way YOU like it?
I'm me. I'm not you..
I'm sorry but I'm not going to please anyone. ANYMORE.
Unless, you're worthy for me to please.
After so so so many things happened,
I found out that there's actually friends who's not dear to my heart,
Cares me a lot more than any of you do.
And the most surprising thing IS,
The was they care are nothing compared to yours'!
I'm really thankful that I had a bunch of far from me, but close to my heart friends..
They don't know me well,
But their words, actions and everything had proved to me that they worth a million times more than you.
This proves that you're a FAILURE.
SHAME ON YOU!

Now, I'll not care for anyone but myself,
And her.
She just went thru hell,
And she's halfway stuck in hell,
I'll lend her a hand to pull her out from the hell anytime whenever she's ready.
Stay strong friend! :D

Monday, July 11, 2011

Shopped a lot with Andrea, Kristine and Alex on Saturday.
Spent more than RM1000 within 12 hours.
LOL!!
Had another driving lesson but it was with Alex.
Doctor Karan thought Alex was my boyfriend..
He said : Wow, your sister's boyfriend is so good. He even teach her how to drive. They looked so sweet together.
Andrea, Simon & Kristine: *gasp* NO! He is not my sister's boyfriend la!

When I know about it, I was surprised. Why?
I was thinking- "My taste is a lot better!"
That's why!
He can really be the best boyfriend!!
I drank almost 3 bottles of beer and I'm reaching the limit already.
He seemed to know it so he ordered chinese tea and poured it into my glass.
Everyone thought I was still drinking beer until 3a.m.
From time to time,
He'll asked me whether am I sleepy, boring, tired, etc.
Kindest human I'd ever met!
He is just like my second bro!
Now that he's back to KL,
I kinda miss him..
Hope to see him and hang out with everyone soon!

Monday, July 4, 2011

If it's easy to ignore it, I had did it!
It's not easy to do it because there's a knife stabbed in my heart.
I couldn't pull it out yet,
And you all are there to make the knife cut even deeper.
Just as I finally strong enough to pull it out,
You all are there to puts salts on my freshly cut wound.
Do you know how painful is that?
You might not know,
And I don't want you to know.
I only want you to feel when your heart and soul being ripped apart by someone you loved.
Call me devil, because I AM A DEVIL!





I found it..
Not my confidence, not the hopes that I've lost,
But the aim that I'm craving for for almost a month..
The goal that will build my way to the future..
All I have to do now is wait..
Until the time comes,
I'll do my best..
And whatever it is that I want to be,
I WILL DECIDE.
I won't let anyone interfere with my future anymore..
Because it's my future,
Whether I fail or succeed,
I will bear the circumstances.