Saturday, October 30, 2010

I don't know what or how should I feel now..
I'm so tired..
What I did on Friday was marching, tuition, Joen's birthday celebration at De Garden..
Today was marching, Jusco, tuition, home...
Tomorrow is farewell until midnight..
Monday?
Bio's presentation.
GOD!!
I need some damn rest!
That's physically~

I'm happy that Zunren actually care for me..
I mean that night at De Garden,
I texted him..
He asked me whether I'm at home or not(he was planning to chat with me at FB, and it's already 10:20p.m)
I said I was outside, and I'm damn tired..
Then he said that I should go home..
He also asked whether did I put make up..
LOL!!
At least he dare to ask, and he realised!
He said it's nice..
It made my heart flutters!

He said that he can't go Jusco because of family day...
I was okay with that, although I was kinda sad..
But today,
I saw him at Jusco,
And I'm hundred percent sure it was not his brother that he's standing with..
His brother is at Perth now, studying for God's sake!
Then who else besides than his friends?
I don;t know the whole story though..
He said he was there to see the artist..
But then he said he's not a fan of the artist.
Then why are you there?
I dont know what to say about this..
A white lie?
But an unsuccesful one?
I had no idea..
I'm too tired to care..
So I'll just let it slip off this time

Thursday, October 28, 2010

I'M NOT FEELING WELL AND I'M NOT FEELIN GOOD

I had been having severe, I mean VERY SEVERE headache lately..
And yeah,
My heart hurts..
The sharp pain just come from nowhere,
Even last night I woke up once because of it..
I know I should go for a check up,
Or maybe consult a doctor..
But my sister's burden is already heavy enough,
I don't want to make it worse for her.
She's flying to Singapore this weekend again..
She doesn't seem to get enough rest,
She said she had a fever few days back..
I'm worry about my health too,
But I worry more about my sister and brother's situation and condition..
Since when I love them so much?
Ever since I realise that they had actually took over my mother and father's role to take care of me..
I miss them..
My mum, my dad(although he suck!), my sis and my bro as well..
What can I do?
NOTHING.

I never say this word before..
But I'm hurting now..
I'm hurting so badly to the extent where I feel so useless.. So useless to the extent where I feel like hiring someone to beat the crap outta me.. I seriously need some beating.
I know it's crazy to say that I wanna get beaten up by someone.. But I prefer physical pain.
I'm hurting so much because of your unchanged lies towards me..
You still wanna lie when I know the truth?
What's wrong with you?
You want to make a new promise with me with those shits?
NO WAY.
You never thought I'll check your phone huh?
Never thought that I saw that "N.H.'s picture folder" actually contains of non-N.H.'s picture..
It's all that person's pictures..
I might keep quiet about it,
But you should know that my observation is better than anyone you knew..
I observe what's going on around me 24/7..
I'm hurting so much because of my results are so fucked up although I study like hell..
I'm hurting so much because of everything..
I wanna be alone..
Alone at least for a day..
I just wanna rest my body and mind..
I don't wanna think about Biology's presentation, Moral folio, my papers' results, my health and etc.
I need some comfort although I know it won't lighten me up that much..
But where can I get it?
I can't imagine my sister holding my report card with such marks and grades..
Does it mean I gotta lie again?
YES.
I'm already feeling guilty..

I miss you.
you=mum
I miss you, mum..
Missing you so much that I wanna hug you and look at your smile again.
I don't have much pictures of you..
I wanna keep your image in my brain..
But it seems like fading away just like how everything else is fading away..
Slowly disappearing into another unseen realm..

Sunday, October 24, 2010

IT WAS REALLY A MISTAKE!! BUT WHEN HE SAID THAT HE CAN CARE TOO, I JUST THANKED GOD FOR MAKING ME MAKE THE MISTAKE!!





MY LOVES ONE TOGETHER!! FYI, I HAVE MANY TOHER FRIENDS NAME THAT CAN SEPERAT THEM, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY STICK TOGETHER! LOL!!



Monday, October 18, 2010

FULL report on JYJ's SC day!

The night before the day, I CAN'T SLEEP..
But I force myself to sleep anyhow..
So next day is the BIG DAY!!
JYJ'S NEW ALBUM SHOWCASE WORLD TOUR 2010!
Started journey to KL around 9..
When on the way,
Many people texted us that the stadium is flooded with cassies..
We were worried..
And around 11,
Some cassies texted me and said JYJ had reached..
We look at the stadium with our own eyes, there's really MANY MANY MANY people!!

There's some banners..
My favourite banner was Yoosu's banner!
It wrote there "Yoosu Couple, Perfect Match"
Not long after I took my tickets, the first gate opened...
Everyone was RUSHING AND PUSHING..
And I wasn't even walking!
I was pushed-to-walk!
The force if really strong!
Then we reach the second small gate.. The place was fully packed with people!
I started standing at the second small gate at 11:45a.m..
And guess what time we enter?
3.OOP.M!!
But it was fun standing out there!
Met many people from around the world and Malaysia..
The best part was,
The music was so loud that event outside the stadium can hear clearly!
Then JYJ start their rehearsal while we're waiting outside..
Junsu's voice was the loudest..
Micky's voice was a mystery,
He seems like keeping his voice..
Jaejoong's voice was soft, I mean the volume of the voice!
Then IT RAIN!!!
RAIN SO HARD!!!
OMG..
First thing came to my mind was protect the poster!
But it got damaged still..
Sigh..
Guess how wet am I..
I was wet like I just came out from a swimming pool!
From my shirt to my undrgarment, to my bag..
I was C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y wet!
When I enter the stadium,
It was already quite full with cassies..
There's quite a lot of male cassies too..
All also quite cute and handsome..
HAHA..
I make friend with a guy cassies..
Thanks to him,
I did not lost my phone!

Thank God,
I was standing at the side of Rockzone..
There,
we can get a GREAT view of JYJ coming out from dressing room,
And backstage..
Then we saw them,
Screaming our heads off..
I did not..
I first saw Jaejoong..
Because he was wearing sleeveless,
I know it's Jaejoong because of his muscular arms..
Then I saw Micky..
I froze for a couple of seconds..
Really unbelievable!
Then I saw Junsu..
Then they start to rock the stadium before they introduce themselves.
Micky was standing at my side when it starts..
It surely makes me happy like hell!!
Then I WITNESS their PELVIC THRUST with my very OWN EYES..
I was wrong about Micky..
I always thought Micky can't do thrust nicely..
But today he did it seductively, handsomely and sexily..
I was dead!!
LOL..
It was so awesome!!

Jaejoong did his amazing hairflip!!
And he's really showing off his muscular arms!!
When they sang Be My Girl,
He pointed to Micky (that was Micky part)
And keep miving his body and did a slight thrust!!
Then they went down the stage,
The side of the stage to get a few seconds rest and gulp down some water..
I only saw Micky..
He was waving to the crowds..
Then when he drink,
The dancer talked to him..
From the way the pulled the straw away and make that 'hmmm?' innocent face,
Totally killed me!!
Then they went back to stage..
They perform again...
After that they got off the stage and rushed to change their outfit..
The maroon colour one..
While they're changing,
They let us watch the Journey Of The Beginning video clip...
Then I saw them coming out..
When they get on stage again,
it was time to talk!!!
I wait and wait!!
So they finally speak..
Micky's very first english word was "well,yeah"
OMG..
He have the SEXIEST english accent ever!!
Micky is the fairest among them!!
He look so so so s so freaking good looking in real person!!
Jaejoong was not that flawless actually..
Junsu is just the same!
Junsu was tired..
He is really tired...
If Junsu is not tired,
He'll at least laugh more..
Jaejoong was quite shy,
But mainly was because he can't speak English properly..LOL
Micky spoke for them the most..
Then when the fans started to lower down their cheering voices,
I yelled "MICKY OPPA SARANGHAE!!"
While waving my left hand in the sky,
He heard it,
He just smiled..
I wanna get his attention,
So few minutes later when the cheering started to low down..
I yelled again "MICKY OPPA SARANGHAE!!!!!"
This time I succeed!!!
He look at my direction,
At ME!!!
Because when I yelled I waved my left hand in the air,
So he could see me..
*Ahh~ I'm smiling and dying of happiness now!*
And YES!!!
He ain't just saw me!!
He have a eye contact with me for 3 seconds or so and he was smiling!!!!
OMG!!
His killer, cute, charming, happy, cute, dorky, handsome smile!!
He LOOK at ME while smiling..
AWW~~ It means he heard it..
Ahh~
I wonder where did I get that bravery from!!
LOL!!!
Oh yea..

When the MC asked "sO, YES OR NO, Malaysian girls are the HOTTEST GIRL IN THE WORLD"
Junsu was shy to answer.. Then he held the mic and said "Yes..."
Then Jaejoong was laughing and he was quite shy..
But he answered "I know.. I know.. So beautiful Malaysia..."
Then it was Micky's turn!!
Micky said "It had been a long time since we last been here, about 4 years, right.. We'll probably be here next year for concert?"
Jaejoong said something.. He said " I LOVE YOU LAAHHHH MALAYSIA"
Junsu was busy with his Musical Theater..
Jaejoong was busy with his Japanese TV series..
Micky was busy with his SKK Scandal..
When the MC asked some question,
Micky can't hear properly and he go neared to the MC...
*ENVY!!!*
And Micky goes "ERRR~" a lot when he don't know how to continue..
MC : Around what month if there's a concert.. Around what time next year maybe? *pause* OH! They're really cheeky now!
Jaejoong: Summer..
MC: They said maybe summer.. But they forgot Malaysia is all-year-round summer..
Micky just laughed!!
And that was the part where I grabbed his attention!
The end Micky said something..
Micky:Well, uhh.. I know it's really short but we have a great time and..Yeah..And it's very great to see you guys again..Thanks again..We're... really appreciating for all your love.. THANK YOU FOR KEEPING THE FAITH ALWAYS..Alright, this song is the last song..

Friday, October 15, 2010

*ANONYMOUS*
I seriously don't get it..
Why are you doing this again?
WHY?
But there's something I finally realised..
Whatever you do now,
It's not important to me anymore..
You wanna know why?
It's because you don't deserve to stay in my heart anymore..
I once loved you so much,
But now,
Not anymore..
When people asked me what you are to me,
Or how important are you to me..
I'll just you're just a simple closer-than-friend to me and sorry, you're no longer important to me..
I'm so fed up with you..
You never did anything right.
You disappoint me again and again..
What you said to me few days ago,
Is a lie..
Never thought that I realised it's a lie?
FYI,
I know you too well..

Well, should I move on to the next person I wanna talk about? Erm.. Who should I talk about first???

*LZR*
What about LZR?
LOL..
If you're not interested,
You may just skip his part!
Tuition as usual...
He sat there again..
KY say he seduce me again..
Same thing repeat all over again..
I was really curious why he wanna sit there..
At FB, I asked him..
But he didn't reply me..
It really pissed me off when he didn't reply me..
Because I had been filled with anger earlier before I asked him..
And his not-replying-action just make me angrier..
I wonder,
What will happen if I tell him that I actually still like him?
I really dont know!
Okay, enough of LZR.. Let;s move!

*MICKY PARK YOOCHUN*
Everyone know that JYJ's WorldTour had started..
And I'm hell worry about Micky..
He fainted twice at the SET..
He sang and dance and jump and run during the showcase..
I really worried what'll happen if he fainted suddenly during showcase..*touchwood*
And there's one thing I'm really mad about those cassies that show support ONLY TO JJ AND JS..
I mean HELLO!!
Who have the best english pronounciation? MICKY!
Who need to film, and busy for the WorldTour at the same time? MICKY!
Who taught JJ and JS english the most? MICKY!
Who have the weakest body in JYJ? MICKY!
And yet, you guys only know how to show endless support to Jaejoong and Junsu..
WHAT THE FUCK?!
I'm really not happy about this..
MICKY AIN'T USELESS!
MICKY AIN'T INVISIBLE!
You people out there is just so annoying!!

And last but not least.. My mum..
I know she had left 4 years ago..
Unbelievable huh?
FOUR YEARS!
But ut felt like it just happened few days ago..
The memory are still fresh in my brain..
There's once in 2 months where I'll stay up very late just to wait everyone to go to sleep,
So that I can release my feeling and emotion.
Yeah..
I miss my mum...
I know I might sound desperate,
But what do you expect?
My mum deceased when I was just 12..
Now looking at people around me just make me feel myself as a unlucky child who lost her mother at the age of 12.
Is that fair to me?
I know I shoukd move on and forget the past..
But how can I do so when eveything happens because of my mother's death?
And I know my friends are very considerate..
They'll never brought my mum's issue until there're really a need to do so..
And people usually got so shocked when they know I dont have a mum or a dad..
Last time I hate people say these words "Poor girl.." or "She's so unlucky"..
Now that I'm used to it, I don't feel anything when people say those words..
And I always feel sad when people show me their love..
Like a aunty hugged me and say "How're you doing, my dear?"
I swear I can cry on the spot..
Because I never got showered with so much love ever since my mum died..
Seriously..
Besides than my brother and sister.. No one else did love me..
My grandma?
She only love her ADOPTED son..
Mind my rudeness but she's totally blinded by him..
What can I do?
She's too old to think clearly now..
That's why I don't like it when people who is not close to me,
Suddenly care a lot about me..
It just makes me feel sad..
Because the one who should care for me is gone..
And I just can't accept it yet..
Honestly..
I can't accept it..
I may seem okay..
But I'm not..

Thursday, October 14, 2010

JYJ's Ayyy Girl

AWW~~~
Micky finally can show off his great sexy english accent!!
:D :D :D :D :D
My favourit song!!
I love this song!!
SO SO SO NICE!!
The chorus part "Ayy Girl, I try to make you mine, baby"
AWW!!
I know Micky, I KNOW!
hahahahahaha

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

OH NO!!

A bad day with bad news!
*sobs
First was the train ticket..
We can only buy it when we want to leave...
Which means 17th! D:
Hope there's ticket for us!!

Next was,
My chemistry~
Haiz,
Dont wanna talk about it!

AND AND AND!!!

MICKY FAINTED AT THE SET WHEN HE'S FILMING SKK SCANDAL!!
FOR TWICE!!
I was so shocked!!
His health is not getting any better!! D:
But seeing him smiling and laughing all the time hurts the fan even more!
Please take care Micky!
I love you!