Society

You can never please the society. But doing+being good is never a wrong thing, you can be a little bit evil sometimes when you're at the edge of exploding.

But a gentle reminder to you all : Don't take other kindness for granted, be grateful for everything, yes, even the bad things, because at the end, it all depends on how you responded to it, how you handle it.

Be yourself, surround yourself with positive people and positive energy, you'll find yourself happier even with the small little things.

I'm thankful for what I have and what god gave me, the term "haters gonna hate" is true. Because those people are haters, they don't know what is being grateful. Because I'm sure if they know, this world will be a much more loving place to be.

If they know what is being grateful, there would be happier people and less politics a dramas. You can't control what other people wanna think and talk about you. But you can decide if you want to be affected by them, or not.

Don't bring down yourself because you think you're different. Being different means you're unique, special, strong. Being different means you have a different way of thinking, defining and handling things. It might also simply means you're ahead of most people.

Don't you like it when people look up to you because of your wisdom? You can be the same age as the others out there, but age doesn't define maturity. You can be as childish as you want, but make sure you know when to be serious and when to fool around.

Because, even the nicest person has a limit that you SHOULD NOT CROSS.

Have a blessed day ahead. Take care.

Happiness and Doubts

Our very first getaway. We went to Penang. This is our first holiday together at a different state. The very first thing I like about this is being able to pack both of our clothes in one bag. I just feel this as an act of love.
Its not just couple anymore. It's not just dating. Its trust and comfortability. We're comfortable and we trust each other enough to put our things together. For you all out there, this may seems like something small and ordinary. But for me, its another step to be closer with the one you love and you wish to spend your entire life with.

The only regret was he's paying for almost everything. And because of that, he has to save on this and that so he couldn't 100% enjoy this trip. I know he was trying to fulfill his responsibility as a boyfriend but at the same time, its sad to see him like this. How I wish I didn't spent so much at the beginning of the month then I would have been able to add more happiness to this trip.

He was holding my hand all the time. I don't know if he ever get bored. But I wish he knows how warm and protected I felt inside. He's learning, always learning how to take care of me under whatever circumstances. I'm really thankful for that.

I also felt guilty because he had to take a day off due to the stubborn me who wanna go back on Monday morning instead of Sunday evening. So he just tell his boss he's taking a day off and decided to give me one more day. Thank you so much for the love, dear ♥

To repay everything he did for me, today I cooked for him. It's very simple and his grandma kinda took part in my cook-for-my-boyfriend plan. She helped to cook also! And we had a god time chit - chatting. I hope dear love the dishes I make today. *dont wanna tell you guys the menu cuz I'm feeling embarrassed*

So this morning we went to the market after we woke up. Buying veges and planning how to cook for him makes me feel blissful too. Its like we're preparing ourselves to be husband&wife. Yes, I just said that. Husband and wife.

The other day when we were at Penang Interactive Museum, there was a 3D wall painting. It's written there will you marry me and I do. I wanna take a picture with him but in the end we did not. Because at some point, I'm afraid that I might feed myself with too much happiness and hope and if all these vanish, I'm afraid that I can't get back on my feet.

I love him, yes. So much! But I'm scared if I can't last forever. I wanna marry you and only you. I can't imagine myself marrying another man but can I wait until the moment we get married? Are we the one for each other? Please bear with me. Please don't give up on us. Even if I want to, don't let me. And when the same thing happens to you, I will do the same.

I love you, Eddie Chong. Only you♥

TURNED 20

Goodbye teen-years.
Hi adulthood.

Celebrated my 20th birthday with so many food this year.
Kak Lily bought me burger, chocolate moist cake and chicken floss bread.
Whereas Alison bought me a huge bar of chocolate and Jiaqi bought me Paddlepop ice-cream.
Had supper with Cik Azreen at TKK. Superb delicious laksa and popiah!

While my love bought me McD's GCB as dinner/supper. And his friend Nicholas treated me the movie ticket to watch Delete My Love. And to my surprise, he bought me a Carlo Rino clutch and a handsfree. :') I love him so much. :')

Had an early celebration with my godsis OJA at Jusco. It was an awesome outing and catch up session with her. But she's in Pantai Hospital now. Please recover fast my dear sis!

Later going to meet my girlfriends at Karyan house. A mini celebration with Karyan, CKM and Chia Ying. Then later at night go to his house and then tomorrow morning go to Penang with love and his friends!! OMG. I'm so excited! :')

SOME LONG UPDATE :3

 This was taken last year :3 When we were shopping at Aeon Station 18. Look at him, still playing TOS when we're dating but I can't hate him because I love him that way.

 I was kinda sad when he said he couldn't chat with me because his network got problem and he asked me to go to sleep instead. What I did was I said I will go to sleep and "secretly" spammed his Wechat.

 This is the most recent picture. We went for a late night movie. Sometimes, it annoys me because he looks so damn good and it outshine me! hahaha. :x

 We were at a saloon waiting for his friend to get his hair cut. And he was TOS-ing and I was trying to take a selfie, with him as my background decoration. Hahaha

 This was during Chinese New Year 2014 at Yanshin's house. We were having some "in-our-own-world" time. LOL

 Secretly took this picture in the car when Nicholas was sending me home after spending like 7 days with him, during my CNY break. He was sitting at the front and he extended his hand to the back. Although it's not comfortable for him but we maintained like that until we reach my home. We just doesn't wanna let go. :/

 A selfie with him at his house, very very late night.

 Look at him laaaa. OMG. He looks so damn charming. *or is it just my imagination?* LOL

 

 That's him cooking lamb chop for lunch. It was the leftover from the bbq session the day before. But what's funny was, I was the one who ended up cooking. LOL

 During Chinese New Year, we were at Ipoh Parade, waiting for movie time! We just had dinner with his mum's side family. Yes, HIS FAMILY. :)

VALENTINE'S DAY 2014

It's considered our second Valentine's but it's our first time celebrating it.
You have no idea how much I appreciate you and your effort.
Thank you for making time for me even though I was working until 9pm and you have to trouble your friends to fetch you and the fetch me along.

I like it when I saw you waiting for me at the entrance to the loading bay.
I just felt so loved.

And that moment when you look deep into my eyes and wished me "Happy Valentine's Day" totally melted my heart. :3 
You don't have to apologise for not buying me any present. I don't need it. Hahaha

It was funny how he got mad because I refused to remove my make up. I wanna put on my make up because it's a special day and I wanna look pretty for him but weirdly, he doesn't let me. =_=

He kept on calling my name and being so "manja".
Do you have any idea how hard it is for him to call my name and said he miss me?
Yes, he said it verbally. And he even called me Darling.

We walked to Little Ipoh and had dinner which was Wanton mee. 
And then he send me home, we walked back also.
When we almost reached, there was fireworks which was really near and nice.

And he took that opportunity and said that he prepared that surprise for me.
As if I'm gonna believe him!
But it's not wrong to borrow someone else's kind action to make someone else happy, right?

I felt so blissful. And he kept on looking at me.
I asked him why.
He said "I just wanna look at you."

X'mas 2013

Celebrated with my dear :)

It was a very last minute plan as he suddenly asked if I want to join them if I didn't go clubbing.
And I said if possible, I would like to join.

And there he was, in his friend's car, picking me up at home at 7:20pm.
We headed to Eurohouse but sadly it was fully booked so we switched place to History.

It was so much fun.
Eddie is like the girlfriend and I'm like the boyfriend.
He's the sticky one where as I'm more like the cool one. LOL
Then I said that he should wear the skirt instead of me and his reply really trolled me.
He said "Its a cosplay."
WTF. I can never win him in all these cold and lame jokes. Seriously!

Then we took some pictures and surprisingly, he posed affectionately beside me
:3
Blissful much! Happy die me!
*died and revived*
And just as we countdown and cheered "Merry X'mas!"
He kissed my cheek.
It was a simple move,
But I just feel so happy, blissful and loved :')

I'm so so so thankful that fate brought us back together :')
Thank you so much for being part of my life, until now. :)

I love you, and Merry X'mas dear :)

18/12/2013

Blogging using phone because it will be wasted if I don't blog it right now!

18/12/2013
Indeed a very memorable and surprising day for me.
Eddie was at Jusco when I was preparing to go out with friends.
It was weird how he kept on asking me if I went out already or not yet.
I told him when I went out and I said I'm at Old Town with OTK above.

THEN!
He said he's coming to meet there as he needed to give me something.
Then I went out to meet him and in his hand there's a package with the logo The Face Shoppprinted on it.
I swear I would have kissed him immediately if we weren't at a public place!
It's the first thing he ever bought for me. :')
I can feel my heart burst with overflowing happiness and bliss.
And when he pulled me closer to him by putting his hand on my waist,
And inhale my scent while resting his head on mine, matching our features on the same level while almost *maybe it already looks like* we're kissing. Lol
And then he said "for you."

I felt so touched and loved. ♥
And when we had a *ehem* light kiss/smooch *ehem*,
His friends were all looking from inside the car.
And there are people as well looking at us from Old Town.
But we don't care.
Not because we purposely want to show off our intimacy

Its because time at that moment is too precious for us so we don't have time to care about how other people would look and think about us.
And who're they to judge when they have no idea what we had, and what we're going through?

I just love it so much when he used his right hand to pull me close to him and then take in my scent.
That moment, is perfect ♥
It's the first present from him.
He said it could be advanced X'mas present as well.


When I thought of him walking into the shop and chose those and then pay for it at the counter. It just made me feel so loved.

Thank you so much,  dear. I love you.

After A Long Long Time

Woah, I was away for so long! I miss blogging so much!

Anyway, here I am. Just to update a bit.

I've been quite happy since the past few months because I ended my single status. XD

Yeah, we're back together after 6 month of hiatus.

Unbelievable but it's true.

As for work,

So far so good.

Have a bunch of real fun and supportive colleagues.

Anyway,

That's all for now..

Because I'm typing this at back office.

Not really convenient to type whatever I want!

Bye!!

If your Wechat application didn't hang until you can't enter into the application,
Then you're not considered a chatty type.
Because yesterday I chatted with my babe until Wechat hang like mad.
All records were more than 50secs, almost reaching the limit!!!

Okay, back to the reason why I'm here to type and tell.

From some friends, it's the end. So let it be the end.
But,
Some other friends said, both of us still stands a chance, wait for it.
Sometimes, I'm confused.
I wanted to move on,
But I love him too much to move on.
I wanted to wait,
But I don't know how long I can wait.

If I can just let him understand WHY.
The WHY of everything.

I MISS HIM SO MUCH.





Anyway, I gotta focus on my work :)
Extravaganza next month!! Must focus hard!
It decides my income and momentum for the next few months! :)

Guardian Angels

That's how I wanna name them.
They're the ones who always show me hope when I was falling apart.
No matter how hard my life is, with their support and words, I feel like I can fight better.
Pook and Karyan are my bff. As in, sometimes they make me feels like they knows me better than I know myself! Hahaha *too bad Pook is a guy, or else he can be my jimui at my wedding. XDDD Or maybe he can be the one who beat up my future husband when he makes me cry. LOL. Too much of imagination going on. :P

I had been blabbing about the things Eddie and I did. Everything. Anything.
And it's because I'm constantly reminding myself.

"Those are the memories that I should cherish. And I don't want to feel sad when I think about it. Instead, I feel happy. Because I was blessed, loved, cherished."

But then, I'm also torturing myself with those memories.
Why?
Because those memories are the source of energy that keeps my feeling for him to stay alive.
HOWEVER, I'm really letting go. Moving on.

I'm not tired of trying. I can keep on trying and trying and trying....
But won't this makes things become more complicated?
I want us to be friends. Because you'll make a good friend.
Because I, somehow, knows you a little bit more than your friends.
It's like being the 2nd Nicholas, you know.
Like Nicholas said "好来好去"
I don't wanna keep on thinking that there'll be a day where you'll come back for me.
I don't wanna make any presumption because it doesn't worth another heartbreak.
I don't wanna waste my time on a person who (maybe) don't even spend a minute a day to think about me. Because I spent every second thinking about you.
I don't wanna........
I wish I can say I don't wanna lose you.
But I know that's not what I should say. I can't say that!
Because there's no use. I've already lost you, whether I want it or not.

Actually, I was so surprised when Pook said "You've been building it all up. And you're just waiting for a chance like this to blow up. After this, you've to stop them."
He meant my feelings for him.
Karyan, Pook and I had been chatting and we talked about so many things!
And when it comes to even a little bit thing related to Eddie, I'll say "Eddie and I.........."
Or I'll say "Eddie............"
He'll be the topic I wanna talk about.
I said I'm over him.
I'm actually IN THE PROCESS of moving on.
I've felt a lot better, compared to last 2 weeks.
I can feel my strength coming back. My confidence. The Phooisan who's made out of steel.
I'll get rid of my habit.

Pook is right.
Many people mistaken that the feeling for your partner has gone after few months being together.
Actually, it's because you've got use to his existence, company. Your feelings never left.
But in human's mind, they'll thought "That's it. I don't have feel for him/her anymore."
I'm so used to having him in my life.
But I'm always conscious of my feelings for me.
It kept on growing everyday. Sometimes I can still feel myself loving him.
But I don't think I want you back.
It's not because I hate you. It's not because I can't love you for the 2nd time.
It's because I don't know if you worth the 2nd chance.
I don't know whether I can risk another heartbreak from the same person.

I'll stop saying anything about Eddie. As in, I can't stop, of course!
But I'll talk less.
And in 20 more days. I can get rid of this habit, I hope.
It's takes 21 days to build a habit, and also the same amount of time to kill a habit.
I'll try to stop depending so much on them. Friends.
I mean, I need to grow up and stand on my own feet.
I can't always look for people to talk to.
Because everyone have their problems also.
Don't you realise, the person that you always tell your problems to never tells you back their problems?
It's because of their ability to solve so many things at once.
Sometimes, I envy people like that.
But then, sometimes I feel lucky that I don't have that ability.
Because that's the time where God will send the Guardian Angels to me and guide me, bring me back to my feet.

I'm so thankful for everyone who's been with me since they knew about my problem.
Karyan, Pook, Meileng, Carmen, Evelyn, Andrea, Ckm, Oja, Fanny, Daniel.
I love them so much. Meileng is not close to me. She's Eddie's GS. But she's been comforting me for about 2 hours. And not forgetting Nicholas. Eddie's best friend. They're on my side even though Eddie is their best friend. Because the problem is with him. Not me. I'm considered the victim.
But in a relationship, there's no winner or loser.

I remember I was whispering your name before I really fell asleep yesterday. I was saying "Dear...."
That's how I call you.

And I was dreaming. I was calling out for you again.
But this time, when I called, I almost shouted.
I woke up calling for you. "Dear!"
And my eyes shot open. Feeling like hell because of the exhaustion from the past few days.

And also the pain that's still in me.

For you who's reading this, be strong. Life may be tough. But that doesn't mean that's the end. Because the end of something is always the beginning of something even better. You just have to go thru that process. Because this is LIFE.
If you don't have those process. I don't think you're a human. LOL

It's all about your mindset. How you think.
I still think my relationship with Eddie is a very beautiful relationship.
Because he was once my love. We've shared moments that no one can understands. We've created memories that no one can replace or recreate.
But, you also can think that I wasted my time on this guy. He played me. He broke me. Whatever. You know, putting all the blames on him.
But now I realise that I also did few mistakes.
I always assume he's happy with everything. Because I am.
Sometimes, we need to ask. Don't assume.
You're born with a mouth to speak. But always listen with your heart.
And listen to your heart.
Loneliness speaks the loudest truth.

You're a Habit.

No, I don't love you anymore.
I'm not lying to myself.
Maybe I still like you.
Yes, I miss you. A lot!
But now I understand why so many people said "I miss you, but no, I don't want you back."
It's not that I don't trust you.
It's because there's only 1 time in everything.
The 2nd time is a chance, but it won't be the same anymore because of the scar that you left previously.
And I don't think you deserve a 2nd chance.
Okay, you do. But I don't think I can give you that until you show me how much you deserve it.
And promise me using your heart, not your words!

Now, you're just a habit of mine.
I'm used to sending you messages. About the random flasbacks that suddenly pops up.
But don't worry, I'm moving on.
I'm letting go.
You changed.
You're the one who changed. Not me.

We broke up.
He is fine.
I'm not.
End of story.

April Fool?

I had fun fooling people yesterday.
All of the prank were about him and me.
There's this about my menses was late, I'm moving to Japan with him in 2 more months, he wants me to leave and stay with him, we broke up, and we got engaged.
Everyone fell for my prank. Fanny was the most kesian. But it was fun.
I mean, me and him, got engaged. Means we're tied together by the string of fate and by law.

Then, today is 2nd of April.
I was in SPPK' new NC, at upstairs.
I was busy helping Daniel to design the whiteboard with out monthly schedules.
And my phone rang.
That ringtone only belongs to his no.
I was so excited and I stopped whatever I'm doing and ran to my phone.
Daniel said "So excited? Eddie ah?"
I was grinning but I said "No."
And thankfully, I said no. Because if I had said yes,
I would tear up immediately after I read the message.
It was a beautiful morning but it turns sour when I read that hurtful message.

我们分手吧.
The world stopped spinning.
My heart stopped beating.
Everything seems to be stopped at the moment.
I ignored the message and continued whatever I was doing.
I was so lost.
Daniel asked "What's wrong with you? Didn't I tell you to write ___ and ____?"
I was like "Yeah, I just forgot for a bit."
I was trying so hard to stop it.
Stop my feelings from controlling me.
Stop showing my soft side to others.
I appeared to be a tough lady, a strong one.
A lady that doesn't know the meaning of failure or fall.
But then, this time.
I fell hard.
I fell because I saw him there. I know he'll catch me.
But I didn't know that he's letting me go after managed to catch me.
And the fall is even worse.

I didn't said that I don't want.
Instead I asked, "It can't be saved?"
It hurts so much.
I feel like dying at that moment.
It's my birthday month.
It my big day in another 14 days.
And I was wishing to spend it with you in my life.
Maybe we can't spend time together at that time.
But then, we're still tied with each other.
That bond could be the best present for me.
And I don't wish for this bond to be broken.

You don't need to have any qualification to say you love me.
Because you're already qualified as my boyfriend.
So you're more than qualified and anyone to say that.
And even if you don't say, it's okay.
Because as long as I can feel it with my heart, you've already said I Love You.
And Eddie Chong, I Love You.
I really love you.
Remember the promise we made?

I asked you how long we can be together and you answered forever. You even asked me why I ask such silly question.
My answer was because I'm afraid one day you'll stop holding my hands, hugging, kissing or talking to me.
I said I'm scared if  you don't want me anymore.
And you said "I won't leave you. I'm scared that if you're the one who leave me!"
And then I replied "I won't leave you. Because I love you more than you love me."
And then you replied again saying "How you know? I love you more than you love me."
Do you still remember this promise?

I love you.
You think this is hard for you?
Think about me.
I'm not feeling any better than you.
It's the 46th days since we last met.
We didn't meet each other for about 2months.
And I'm suffering here and I still need to fake my happiness to continue working.
I'm faking everything.
Because that's how much I believe things will work out for us eventually.
We just need to be patient, and believe in each other.
I believe in you, I love you.
So please, please please please fight this obstacle with me.
Please.
I need you.
I really can't live without you.
Don't leave me.
Don't do this to me.
I've gone too far.
I can't go back.
Please, stay and fight.

Confused. Love&Pain.

I'll be going to KL tomorrow.
What I get from him until now is SILENCE.
I don't even know what I should kind of outcome should I hope for for the interview.
Pass, or not?
I want to pass. I want to try new things.
But when I went to Gunung Rapat's NC today,
All of a sudden, I saw the beauty of the club.
It may looks small and old but it's beautiful.
My heart feels heavy to leave Herbalife just like that.
I love Herbalife.
I love him even more.

My feelings now are so complicated.
I'm so lost.
Today, I spoke to a new-comer, May.
Fanny asked me to tell her my stories to motivate her.
When I was telling her, I thought "When will I ever get the chance to share my story and experience to others after this?"
Yesterday I cried myself to sleep again.
I was in so much pain that my tears just won't stop until I don't know when I fell asleep crying.
I wanna scream and trash things and be violent.

Where is he when I need him the most?
Where is he when I'm facing a career crisis?
Where is he when I'm facing the biggest fear?
Where is he when I needed support mentally and physically?
Where?

Did he read all the messages I sent to him since we stopped talking?
I hope he did.
These few days, lots of random memories came back to me.
He was one of the people who helped me when my tire punctured at KL during Zero To Hero at KL.
He went to Ken and borrowed his car in order to look for shops while put my car somewhere else.
He was the one in the car who kept on asking me to think of positive things. Law of attraction.
He was the one who said things will be fine and asked me to cheer up.

When Eddie started to lose his Avanza....
Both of us came up with the idea of exploring new places to do roadshow.
We thought of Kledang Hill.
We're the only one who started the roadshow at Kledang Hill.
Though the Sean also came with us to explore the places.
I remembered I was wearing my sandals and jeans skirt and they made me walk up the hill with them.
Crazy fellas, but I did because they're my good friends.
I stopped halfway because I don't feel comfortable walking with my sandals on slopes.
So Eddie and Sean continue going and they came back about 10 minutes later.
We're all sweating.
Eddie was about to take off his shirt because he was sweating,
He'd roll up his shirt until the chest level, and he puts it back down suddenly and said with a bit of sarcasm
"Better not take off my shirt. What if Phooi San fell in love with my naked and fair-white back?"
We just laughed.
But who knows that I actually love your broad chest/back because I feels so protected whenever you hugs me.
And I also remember that you lost your phone and walk all the way back to my Menglembu house with your sports' shoe spoiled, it was your worst day.
You sat outside my house under the sun because I didn't hear you shouting for my name when I was upstairs.

I also remember when we were doing roadshow at Pologround after you started doing gym with Daniel,
I will drive because I know you're tired and your muscles ache. And you would say
"Wah, Phooi San gives me so many mother-like-love."

And when I don't have car to do roadshow at Tesco, but he still has his Avanza that time,
He offered to fetch me to and fro because he'll pass by Menglembu no matter how..
And he hid my phone and I was so panicked,
So I revenged by driving away his car and parked somewhere else.
It was the craziest thing I ever did in my life.
I couldn't stop laughing when he was fetching me home and he keeps on asking
"Very funny horrrr?"

And I remembered we're pretending to be "too-close-for-good-friends-relationship" just to test if Orange has feeling for you.
My heart was beating crazily when I pretended to play with your hair.

And that day where you fell sick after eating my customer's Sambal Prawn,
I was so worried. You looked so pale and you're having fever.
And after you felt a bit better-few days later, I forced you to drink 100+. Hahaha

And we did crazy things like going to Secret Recipe just to eat the cakes.
And watch movies, only both of us.

When we were together, there are even more sweet memories.

When we're going to Penang that day, he was staring at my lips.
So I give him a real quick kiss on the lips and he said "Yer, I don't like that. Dry and rough lips."
Then we make out and I pushed him away about, 5 secs later? LOL
Where did he get the courage to do such thing when his friends were at the front seat?!

And when we had lunch for the first time at the TasteGood restaurant,
He ordered fried noodle while I ordered Spaghetti(white sauce because you he likes it)
In the end, I'm eating his fried noodle and he's eating my spaghetti.
That was so sweet :3

Not forgetting the back hugs every time when I was filling my bottle with water at your house.
And those kisses at public places like, cinema, when we're shopping, at comic house.
I just love it. I've always hoped for a kissy boyfriend because in my mind, a kissy boyfriend is a very sweet and loving boyfriend. And yes he is.

I remembered on our first date, he said he wanna buy me the SUB dress if I became Supervisor.
I declined his offer although I love the dress so much because I want him to spend money on other things.
I'm not a materialistic girlfriend. I'm just, well, a girlfriend that can make Eddie Chong happy.

I can't move on just like that.
Don't ask me to show that I'm happier without him.
I can't.
I'm not happy without him. He brings me to heaven.
And when he leaves, I'll fall to a place where it's worse than hell.
He takes away all my pain. Even if he don't, he makes those less painful. Bearable.
He's my pain killer, he's my morphine. He's MY drug.
I'm addicted to this drug and asking me stop will take away my soul. My spirit.
But now, he's also the cause of the pain.

I need him.
I want him.
I miss him.
I love him.
He is Eddie Chong.

I don't want him to be my past because I saw my present and future with him.
Waiting is painful for me.
But I'm willing to wait.
I believe in him, I believe in us.

Yesterday was the worst.
I can't sleep.
Was watching Grey's Anatomy and it wasn't a sad scene but I just feel my tears fell as if the gravity force is so strong that it can't stop falling.
Then I just lie on my back and let it fall uncontrollably.
And I'm crying so badly, almost suffocating my brain as its lack of oxygen.
Then it stopped suddenly, and I continue watching the series until 7am in the morning.
Slept for a while, get up and start doing the resume and CV for the interview on this Saturday.

I miss him, I need him.
What can I do if the worse really happened to ME?
Will you leave and run away from problems again?
Or will you wake up and make a change?
I'm hoping and praying hard that all these that's happening to me is due to stress.
I don't want this to be another reason for you to say you needs a temporary break from all this.
I want this to strengthen our bond instead or making it weak.
You asked me some times ago whether do I have it and you looks so, I don't know. Anticipated?
But I trust you despite of whats going to happen.
Because I just know you better than myself.
Love you Eddie Chong. <3 br="">

MY POV

Its been a month. But I'm still waiting, hoping.
Why? Because I love him too much. A little too much.
I can suddenly smile when I reminisced those sweet moments,
And cried when the pain struck.
How did we end up like this?
I really don't know.

I miss you so much. But do you even know? Maybe you know, maybe you don't.
Like I said that day, I've reached the level where I don't like you anymore, but I love you.
Have you reached that level? I don't care.
All I care is you, and I want to be with you.

Some of them ask me to end this.
While some just say "follow what your heart says."
So I decided to wait.

If everyone will break up just because of small matters,
Then true love won't exist.
Because being in a relationship means being each other's half.
Your half in him, and his half in you.
If you can't do that,
Then don't even think about being in a relationship.

If everyone break up because of a small mistake,
Then everyone's record of their love life will be a bad one,
You'll have so many ex and so if your partner.
Won't you mind?
If everyone break up because they can't work things out,
Then there a blissful marriage is just a fairytale.

See, if everyone decides to change when things go wrong, instead of thinking how to overcome it,
Then there won't be any successful people.
Why are those people so successful in life?
Why their ridiculous dreams can come true?
Because they've know mistakes and they consistently look out for solutions to reach that one thing that they want to achieve.
Don't adjust your goals, but adjust your plans to reach your goals.
I'm still young, I know.
I'm just 19 so why think so much?
The answer is, that's how serious I am in this relationship.

2013

2013 did not begin and its not as good as I expected.
Well, well, well,
What else could it be?

I hate staying with my brother and his girlfriend.
I HATE IT SO MUCH
Seriously, what's the problem between us?
Why would you complain about the dog?
If you don't want to take care of it, then let it be.
I'll take care of it.
Why would you interfere and rants about his place, his food, and everything?
Why would you go through all the trouble and FORCE Rocky to eat dog food?
When you know he hates it and he don't eat it.
He didn't eat for a day now. I don't know about today.
Will you be responsible for whatever that's going to happen to rocky boy?
Obviously you won't.
Then shut the fuck up and let me handle the things.

Why should I pay for the rental when I'm staying with you?
I'm your sister, your sibling, your family.
What is this?
And why do I have to change rocky's food and have to pay extra RM100 for it?
Just why?
Why are we not looking for a remedy? Why are we always looking for faults?
Why is it so hard to live with you?
What's really happening?

Which part of me that annoys you so much until you said you wants to slap me?
Which part of me that upsets your girlfriend so much until she used a nickname "cockroach" to represents me?
And even asks you to kill the cockroach?
Hate me that much?
Then kick me out!
Or else shut the fuck up and lead your fucking life.

Do I have a attitude problem or is it both of you that have a problem?
Why not try to improve ourselves and look for more solutions instead of arguing almost everyday.
What's the point?
I don't see the place I'm staying as a home, or a house.
To me, it's just a HOTEL.
Why?
No reason. To be exact, I don't need a reason at all.
A house that has no warmth, no love nor protection.

How am I going to live in this house for 356 days?
DAMN!

I found this picture at FB and I shared it out because I was so fat when I was Form 5! Even I, myself finds it unbelievable! Then, my cousin commented on my picture saying that I looks different now. Eddie saw that comment and says :

"Of course you looks different, I'm beside you."

He was talking about our profile picture. That's one of the sweetest things he said <3 p="p">

The first thing that he made me smile is the way he express he misses me. He said 

"I can't focus when I'm playing games on my PSP, I don't know what I'm watching on the television, I don't know what's going on when I'm reading the comic. Nothing feels right, because I miss you so much."

He's such a sweetheart. I'm missing him so much right now. <3 font="font">

I fell sick :/

I hate flu, so much!

This month's EOM is on the 2nd of Jan 2013,

And I still need 1000VP more to be SV!

I was supposed to SV already but then I just let it off my grasp. *cries

My life has been so stressful lately.
Not because of my work, but because of those around me.
Why W&O can't stop complaining about each other?
Why can't they just focus on their work?
Why JW&DC can't stop telling me about fixing my transportation problem?
Why can't they see and understand that I'm not capable of doing that right now?!

I'm just so stress out and Eddie is not helping at all.
Erm, nope, he helped, a bit.
BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
GOD DAMN IT.
I'M SO DAMN STRESS!